there can be only none.

First day of school kids. Your teacher has his can of Copenhagen, his abundance of practical yet abstract life advice, a bad haircut and all of your mom's phone numbers. It seems he forgot the Harvard Comma though. He also likes to start his lesson plan with sentence fragments, while we are handing out grammar lessons. While your teacher is permanent, he is only temporarily here, in the long and short-term.
The teacher will be here for some time, and then he will be gone. The Yossarian will give you your syllabus, handouts, lecture notes and all pertinent reading materials. But he must eventually leave for a period of 24 weeks. Please do not ask why as, the Yossarian does not like to explain that after graduate school he decided to go into the Army. He hates explaining that basic is nine weeks and OCS is 13 weeks. Then he is off to Intel training, where he is of the impression that he may have some free time. Thus, the 24 weeks. However, if free time isn't had during Intel school, then you'll have the sub for another 9 or so weeks.
So the introduction period is over, we met, exchanged pleasantries and have a nice strong foundation upon which we can build a trusting and mutually beneficial relationship. But just in case you were scheming ways to off me, say with a pillow sack, some doorknobs, a hooker, Windex, novelty Expo bobble heads and a length of rope. Allow me to debunk your plans, for I am your teacher, Yossarian, and the Yossarian lives.
I need to figure out this whole thing, how to set up links, pictures and the like. But once I do...I suggest you buy some cigarettes, because shit will be orgasmic. Or you know, buy whatever you like to do after running a batch.
But until then, and after, you are expected to attend class everyday. Even if I am not here, you just sit there and read the paper. The five-minute rule was stupid on Saved by the Bell, and is not acceptable in my classroom.
I run my classroom like a prison, and anything stupid you do, you get a night in the box. I say all this to start so we don't have a communication failure in the future. Have a good evening kids. I am going to try to figure this stuff out.