Gay Asians For Straight Caucasians
Right. I like to look at the faces of meth posters at the post office. I sometimes spend my lunch hanging out at the post office, pretending to be looking for a specifically abnormally sized box that doesn't exist so that I can stare at the faces of meth. Most of them look photoshopped. But they still freak me out. But not really a freak out. More, a wow out. I sometimes wish I looked like those folks. I don't know why, but to me, they look like God's ashtray. I miss smoking.People who like Akon piss me off to no end. I can sing through a kazoo and I ain't gone platinum.
I have ideas. But most of them involve extraordinary happenings taking place leaving me offensively wealthy and me being able to live my life the way I want. So I guess I don't have ideas so much as I have dreams. Fuck.
I like to sit at work and pretend like I give a shit. It's fun to sit there and make it look like I am paying attention when all I am really doing is having visions of JESSICA BIEL on our wedding night. Sometimes I have visions of the day I leave the Army and what I will feel like. Today all I had were visions of my dog freaking out when I come home.
My hands look more and more like my father's everyday. My hands are huge all of a sudden. It's like puberty for my hands. It's fucked up. I am becoming concerned about the amount of earwax I produce. It's rather alarming. What is happening? I hope all this strange growth means my cock will grow to frightening sizes. That would be sweet.
I read a lot. Seriously. I hope my voracious reading lately means my cock will grow to frightening sizes.
There isn't a thing that happens that I don't hope isn't a sign that my cock will grow to frightening sizes. Like a pringles can, only with veins and a head.
I just can't get into basketball. I wish I could. But I can't.
Just because a man wears a mask, doesn't mean he has something to hide.
My dog is great. I miss her. She doesn't fetch though. She just sort of runs after what I throw and then gets distracted. Then forgets what she is doing. She doesn't really play dead. Instead, she bites the shit out of me and growls at the wall. She doesn't really sit, she more sprints around the house for no reason and growls at nothing. She does however lie down next to me and sleep and she licks my face when I don't feel well and bites the blanket and pulls it up over me when I sleep. She's a good dog. I miss her.
Labels: the greatest shit ever
posted by Yossarian at 9:40 AM
3 Comments:
I would like to comment as follows:
1. Meth posters make me not want to do meth, so they are completely doing their intended job as it pertains to me.
2. Funny what you said about Akon, because in my household, I refer to him as the ROBOT GUY. I say that it's pretty cool that a ROBOT GUY has been allowed into the hip hop community. I say this right before I change the station.
3. I have those same ideas. I mean, dreams. Fuck.
4. My hands look more like my mom's everyday. It scares me. I produce a normal amount of earwax.
5. All of your large penis commentary was super humorous.
6. You dog sounds fucked up and cute. SHe sounds a lot like my dog who is afraid to walk down hallways so she gets "trapped" in certain areas of my house. She must be "escorted" through the hallway in order to "escape" from her predicament. She likes very much tennis balls. (borat impression)
33: At least being in the army you have something to look forward to every day which is leaving the army.
things that you say also pertain to me. allow me to tell you the ways.
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my cat follows me around outside. that is the business. you can't buy that kind of cat advertising.
among many favorites lines from Mask of Zorro
I thought your hands were tied....It's because you are stupid.
or
Sure Catherine, C can bone on this movie set wherever. You never touched that Michael Douglas, right?
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