Every Thug Needs A Lady

Right. I hate Jay Z. Not so much for anything other than that he bones Beyonce and I don't. Regardless, you are 45 on my list there asshat. I hope your cock gets caught in your zipper and you are never able to bone her again. I hate you.
Stupid ass Jay Z. Nice suit there fucktard.
I am going to Paris next weekend. That should be fun. Only expensive. The bleeding hotel I got is around a billion dollars a second. I am going with my buddy Paul, his wife and their four kids. These people are my friends and also Mormon, so like every trip I take with them, Yossarian babysits and doesn't get to drink or make time with foreign bitches.
Also, kids are fucking loud. They also scream a lot and they whine a lot too. What the bleeding hell her kids? Oh, you didn't get to enter the car first? That needs to be cried and screamed about for the next 45 minutes. Clearly. Oh your brother ate one of your chips? Clearly you need to throw a fucking tantrum as they stopped making sun chips.
Not Paul's kids, just kids in general.
If the lead singer bitch from the Pretenders wanted to date you, would you? I mean sure she isn't hot, but she sings and writes and seems pretty smart. So, on one had you'd be all, "This is great my girlfriend sings and is smart and writes cool shit." But then you'd be thinking, "Damn. Can't this bitch like wear a dress or something? I hope my friends aren't laughing because she is not hot at all." Life is funny.
If that girl from the Whitesnake videos wanted to date you, would you? Let us suppose it is 1989, I mean sure she was the hottest shit ever, but she seems about as smart as a bag full of hair. It would be nice to be all, "My girlfriend is so fucking hot I need to wear sunscreen when we bone." But then again, you'd be all, "I can't believe that when we did a crossword yesterday she spelled 'Alfredo' with a 4." Life is perplexing.
Say Michelle Pfeiffer wanted to date you, would you? Yes. Yes. Yes. She is like the sun in that the older she gets the hotter she gets. Life is certain.
For the sake of argument, say I decided to be a CIA agent when I was done with the Army. (Which is looking like will never happen by the by.) Would you? Life is stupid.
In my heart, I hope a lot of things that make sense, but will never happen.