Cornbread Earl and Me
Right. Today I am going to Reseda to fuck a model from Ohio whose real name I don't know, and then to die. The Vandals wrote a song about me today. Actually they wrote the song a long time ago but it is about me today. So Fuck You it's not your birthday.
Yes today is the day of the carnival of feet. No, I fucked that up, today is my birthday. The Yossarian turns 27 today. Twenty fucking seven. Fuck. What am I doing with my life? So being the astute reader that you are, you have deduced that if today is in fact my birthday, and I am in fact 27, then I must be a cancer born in the year of our lord 1978. That's a lot of useful information to deduce there super sleuth. So yes I am a cancer. It's hard to understand, as a child of course, why my zodiac sign killed grandma, but you live. You live to fight another day. And we riot in the streets of London.
Here's a thought: hey Brad Pitt, if you want to stop people from being poor, maybe you shouldn't make 20 million a picture. I could be wrong, but I doubt it.
I am the greatest. My life is shrouded in mystery, intrigue, romance and seduction. As I aptly demonstrate every second of my life through painful and disdainful looks with these grey Irish eyes. Military justice sucks. I mean I suppose it is a necessity, in the same manner that paperback books are a necessity, but I really hate learning about it. I'm so far along I just don't need you.
I have automated life machines jealous of my knack for living life.
I would like to drink wine, but I just can't stand the taste. And I have inside information that it pisses off Gloria Estefan.
I have my clearance and can access the secure net. Military type shit. Information at my finger tips. Secrets of the ages. I am drunk with power. Or maybe I'm just drunk. But some of the shit I've learned is pretty cool. Some of it is scary. Most of it is interesting. None of it can I discuss. So Fucking drop it.
posted by Yossarian at 10:25 AM
4 Comments:
It's hard to understand, as a child of course, why my zodiac sign killed grandma, but you live.
As a fellow Cancerian, I find this relateable and funny at the same time.
I am a Cancer has a couple of meanings.
Why can't there be a deadly disease named Taurus or Capicorn? No...they get all the cool things like cars and spacecraft.
Not fair.
Is the first line of this also in a song by Soul Coughing, or am I just crazy, or both?
Anyways, Happy Birthday Yossarian! I'll be 27 next month, but I'll shut up cause it's not my fucking birthday yet.
Have a good one!
i took the test and i am like che guevara and my classic movie is shindler's list. what the hell does that mean?
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