Suck My Oil

Right. Do you ever think, why the fuck did that just happen? What was the chain of events, which led to such bullshit? For instance, why did my mother tell me that Cold Mountain was a good movie? Why did I believe her? Why did I watch the movie and think that it is good? Why did my commander stop by while I was watching it to see my living arrangements? Why did this happen during the love scene betwixt Jude Law and Ms. Kidman? Why did I opt to pause it? Why did the commander take note that Jude Law's ass was paused on my TV as I showed him around? Why did the director decide that what the film was lacking was a GIANT shot of Jude's ass? Why couldn't my commander have dropped by ten second later, or earlier? Why?
I am the greatest at sleeping. I love sleep.
We all have to find our own way in this world, unless you are talking about making lasagna. Then there is only one prescribed method to your work. You must make it the same as everyone else. So is the rule of the cosmos. Don't complain to me, management makes the rules.
I think I may never have sex again.
I was in a Costco the other day. First of all, Costco rocks. But I digress. I bought myself a bunch of rum. I plan on drinking a lot of rum because I have decided that rum ought to be part of the food pyramid.
I would like to see more reality television. Because it doesn't suck at all. I enjoy the fuck out of it. But by reality television I clearly mean women who want to bone me.