Join The Ranks

Right. Who really cares if Mel Gibson hates Jews? Why should I hold him to a higher standard than I hold Rickey from Portland who earns his living with his shovel? Why does it matter to me if he hates Jews? Is Mel Gibson paying my rent? No? Okay then, carry on Mr. Gibson. Hate all the Jews you want. I could really care less. You have every right to hate anyone you want. I don't give a baker's fuck. Mr. Gibson, please explain to everyone that you are an Actor. Not God. Not anyone above anyone else. You just happen to be in movies. Ask people why they think the good folks in Hollywood are above everything else the rest of us do please. Please ask them who they hate. I hate lots of people. I hate a bunch of groups of people. I have every right to hate teenagers. I have every right to hate guys who play Dungeons and Dragons. I think we all hate Island people. Cyprus - you are the bane of my existence.
On to more pressing matters. No, I have lied to you. I'm keeping with Hollywood. I would like to speak about the train-wreck known as Lindsey Lohan. I know little about her. But I find it hard to believe that people care about her. I mean, she is hot. Sure. I would fuck her in front of my own mother. But peeps, she is a train -wreck. I think this is clear. We are all in agreement. Her mother sucks also. I hope that I am lucky enough to have an attractive daughter. This way, I can subject her to Hollywood, every swinging dick in California, eating disorders and anything else that becomes cool all so I can have a jacuzzi. Angelus Domini nuntiavit Mariae.
I have an overwhelming urge to go AWOL for the rest of my life and not go to Germany. But I know that all 3 and 1/2 of you who read this are busy trying to find me a job. My contract ends in May of 2008 again people. Get on it.
I miss my car.
I saw this woman today in her car. I wasn't in her car, but she was in her car and she was driving. I was driving my rental car and I noticed blond hair cut fashionably. So I do what I always do and made it so at the next stop light, we were side by side. I looked over at her and she was crying. Her tears were rolling down her face. I felt bad. But she was hot, so I didn't feel all the way bad. Then she started screaming. It made for an uncomfortable situation. She was driving a K car and had the windows rolled down. She yelled a bunch of things and from what I can determine, she had recently been dumped. Well duh. I would break up with you too if you are the kind of person who screams and cries as you drive. And I'm desperate! I wanted to give her advice, but I saw that there was a guy selling dogs in a parking lot, so I went to go check them out.
I didn't say it was a good story.
But it got me to thinking. Women, I have news for you. Here is what guys do. We date the best looking women we can find and hope that you aren't crazy. That's it. Simple. We go for the best looking women that will talk to us, date them and then break up with them as soon as we see how crazy the woman is. The minute we decide that one particular woman is not crazy, or at least crazy at a tolerable level, we ask for their hand in marriage. I let the cat out of the bag. This would lead a rational being to conclude that if you are a female and suffer from not being able to find a date or are constantly being broken up with, then you are what is known as "Crazy." It's science.
I am on an all liquid diet. Water. Check. Beer. Got it. Coffee. Noted. That completes my diet.
No one seems to be home.
I miss my dog.