Culture

Right. I, for one, would like to know how it got hotter after the sun went down. I might have to hit the mother fucker in the breadbasket, then split his wig and rupture the old cerebellum. In an esoteric way of course. Maybe then we can live how we were before. I got a million mother fuckers to watch my back, some brass knuckles to bash your teeth and the fattest sack. I heard my brother broke your jaw. Is that why your chin is all katywompis?
Is it katywompis or katywonkis? Because I say katywonkis close to 14 times a day and if it is katywompis I'd like to know. I only typed katywompis because this one hot girl in college said it was katywompis and I just thought of hot pretty her hands were when I was typing up there.
Where will the memory of my existence be enshrined? It's a question we all ask ourselves. I hope the answer is within the oversized heart of an extra hot coke whore. I need to find more coke whores.
I have been looking at these boats and it looks like I have a choice. That's fine. Life is full of decisions. If I get this boat I am either going to have to be rich, as docking fees are insane, or, and this is what I am giving serious consideration to, a pirate. Not with like a a peg-leg and an eye patch. But more with like no job and I could just roam the waters. It would be nice. I need a woman with good credit and the desire to do nothing more with her life than to sit on a boat traveling from port to port and fucking the crap out of me. I need her to have good credit so we can get the boat and then not pay. And if the bank pulls up along side of us to collect, then it wasn't meant to be.
Living life on the sea. Hooah.
I have been entertaining the idea of joining the merchant marines when my current job is done. They get paid well and only work like half of the year and shit. It's real dangerous, which is a plus. It's a nice challenge.
I am sitting on the couch reading and enjoying a nice mouthful of Copenhagen when there is a rap on my door. Cocksucker. I am listening to Norah Jones and reading, why are you bothering me? I stand and walk the 3 feet to my door and look through the peephole. It's about fucking time. Every time someone knocks on my door it ought to be two hot women. Hello? Yes, we want you to join us. The way the one is smiling, I could fuck her in three hours. But the other one is prettier and seems more bitchy. I like the bitchy, but is other one is gushing. Best day ever. I'm sorry? Join you? Yes what is your name. The Mighty Yossarian. Well Mr. Mighty. No please call me Yoss. I wonder why more women don't wear summer dresses? They must not have the figure to pull it off. These two broads do not have that issue. These girls are super cute. I'm Mandy and this fawning girl is Lisa and we want you to come Naturally to Church with us. Sure why not. It's a blah blah blah Mormon church, we can come back Sunday and pick you up for our service. I'm Catholic is that going to be a problem? No not at all. This is going to be a problem. I doubt I ought to use Missionaries as an escort service. Sometimes I hate God. Well Yoss, we will see you Sunday around 7. Sounds good I look forward to it. Will you be here also Lisa? Yes. No hesitation. And an eye fucking like it's her job to eye fuck. Too easy. I will be the one driving. You two want to come in for a bit? I know it's hot and you must be tired. Yes. I love this woman. No we really can't. My friend is a little too overzealous. We really must be getting along now. Who talks like this? Where are you guys from? I'm from Mississippi. Salt Lake, we really must be going. Where are you from? St. Louis and I've been living in Boston for grad school. Oh why are you here then? The Army. It's like I can hear Lisa get wet. Mandy stays propper. So Sunday. Yeah sure, we can talk about it now. I really need a lot of work. I need a good saving. Okay we can come in. No we can't sir but we will see you Sunday. I promise we will be here first before we pick up the others. The others? Yes currently we have 15 more people coming Sunday. I thought I was special. You are, this is just our mission and we must get along, all of your questions can be answered Sunday. Where else do you have to go today? Yoss, why are you insistent on asking these questions? Just...shucking and jiving. Well we. Lisa! We must be going we will pick you up Sunday and I am sure you two can talk all you want. Yeah, you're right. It was nice meeting you Lisa, I'll see you Sunday. Oh you too, we will be here first and I insist you ride in the front seat. Why do I leave for Germany in a week? Mandy thanks for stopping by. You have a good day sir. No really, people call me Sir all day, my name is Yoss. Well then Yoss, Sunday. They turn their backs to me and Lisa turns to look. Mine. I am going to hell. I wish I had some Fruity Pebbles. I really don't want to go to Germany.