Kamel Red
Right. I have not done the bench press exercise since the 12th grade. To be more specific, the summer before the 12th grade. That is until today. In the prime of my bench pressing journey, I managed to shove 315 pounds of weight from my chest upward until my arms were fully extended. I have not lifted a weight since. Until today. We went to the gym for PT. Mr. Giant Staff Sergeant wanted me to bench with him. I'm fine doing pull ups and the sit up machine and going for a run. No thanks. Then he insulted me. So it was on. I do not know if I can do 315 pounds now, but what I do know is that I managed to bench 275 pounds 7 times without warming up.Then I took him to the leg machines for women. Those machines they claim work your thighs but we all know they work your ball sack and hog, and I made him do what I did, which was a lot. He won't be walking right for a week.
I never realized how gay going to the gym sounds when one reads about it.
I saw a wine-o eating grapes and I was like, "Dude. You got to wait."
My time is dwindling down the these United States and no one wants to send massive amounts of money to get me out of the Army thusly enabling me to stay close to everyone. Jerks.
Clean. What the hell is that? Refine. I don't remember doing that at all. Bathe. That was here when I got here. Dust. Is that dip? Rasp. Diss the infect. Bleach the stained. Wash. Simple Green the everything. Unhook electronics. Call internet supplier. Lave. Get raped by Cingular. Pay unnecessary bills. Soak. Pray for death. Imagine a better life. Purge. Scrub. Elbow grease. Turn in car. Sweep. Drive gay machine around. Try not to be seen driving around the silver minivan car hybrid. Sponge. Shower. Neaten. Launder. Place clothes in drawers. Adhere to schedule. Expurgate. Sanitize. Scour. Edulcurate. Deordorize. Remember life. Think of tomorrow. Who will hire you when you are done? What do you bring to the table? Flush. Cauterize. When the current time is done, will the blood come off the hands? Reflect. Life. Realize. All the sparkling water that ever flowed, could never wash down my life so clean that it glows. Erase. Help Wanted.
posted by Yossarian at 5:22 PM
6 Comments:
I saw a wine-o eating grapes and I was like, "Dude. You got to wait."
Good one
sucks cleaning up shit so it's like you were never there. you can never get it as clean and plus it makes you feel expendable/intangible. like you were never there. kind of like those wrinkles in your face when you look at your reflection first thing in the morning. after you take a shower, and look again, they are gone and you wonder if they were ever there or if you were still half asleep and imagined them.
xo
Shit, hoss. I sincerely doubt I could do that much weight.
By the by, you gotta quit calling my cell phone if you want to get a hold of me. If I'm in my apartment, the fuckin thing gets all finicky about when it rings.
how about this one here unkind...its the only number i got on account of me being a shitty friend and losing my phone book when my phone went kaput.
if it gets all finicky about when it rings, then turn off vibration mode, and turn on audible ring. no keep vibration on. what is up kids. time for me to write a shitty personal statement that will get me nowhere. what have i done? what publications do i have? well i tell stupid stories to my friends online. what research do i have? i've researched how i havent gotten any better by not throwing darts. i saw a guy with an overworked and underfucked shirt on. he was a fucking bastard.
i am tired.
Mitch Hedberg was cool. He died too soon.
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