Herpes Jokes Are ALWAYS Funny

Right. I think they should change something. Names. I don't think they should call a stroke a stroke. Because anytime I hear someone had a stroke my initial thought is, "Great. But why do I care if old dude is jerking off." Thus I look like an uncaring asshole. Because it takes me 15 minutes to realize they were talking about some other shit.
Here is my new plan, or scheme as it may very well be. I am going to have to find some dumb girl and trick her into boning me. Beat her mentally until she is dependant upon me. Then marry her and have kids.
Now I will admit that this is not my preferred course of action, but it seems like it may be the only viable option afforded to me. We play the hand we're dealt.
I want to do this because I have been thinking of cool names for kids. For instance I have a strong desire to name my future offspring, "My Ass." That would rule.
So you see me and congratulate me on having a kid and you ask his name. I tell you and we loose touch. We bump into each other at a Notre Dame game seven years later and you say, "My Ass is getting so BIG!" I laugh and everyone wins.
It works so well. "My Ass has VD." "My Ass is handsome."
Endless possibilities there.
Tomorrow is a very special day in the world.
I went to a barbeque with my OBC class last night. My streak of being the most hated in any group I am part of continues.
I own a world record. I broke two pinball machines last night in a span of 12 seconds. It was quite impressive considering I wasn't even trying to break them.