Tits And Whiskey

Right. Here is what I want to do with my life. Before I get into this, I must point out that I am serious and I will need your help in order for me to accomplish my soul ambition.
I want to win a really offensive amount of money in the lottery. This is the linchpin in my destiny.
Next I want to build a house. A bomb ass house made of brick and stone with secret passages and underground tunnels. I will also build a 40-car garage and I will buy a number of cars to fill this garage. I will also buy some shitty cars and teach myself to fix them up.
After that is done, I will take care of my friends and family. So they can buy shit. During this phase of my operation I will do a number of other things. For instance I will build a Church, a homeless shelter and a drug rehabilitation center for the youth. I will probably also build a whole neighborhood and move in decent people at cost. I would sponsor little league teams for baseball, football and hockey. I might devote some time into helping the coaching as well.
Then comes the most important, and also shortest phase. The kick assery phase. I will use the secret underground tunnels to drive my bomb assed cars into the city and foil crimes.
Upon acknowledging this is not getting me laid. I will enter what I refer to as "Heaven Phase." This phase rules. This phase is broken down into 4 sub-phases. I will now divulge the end state of my dream.
Sub Phase 1 – Nothing – I will get my friends together and we will sit around playing videogames, watching movies and drinking beers. (The extra pluralization is due to the number of beers drunk.)
Sub Phase 2 – Stir Crazy – I will then turn to books and voraciously read everything I can get my still rich hands on.
Sub Phase 3 – John Candy – Next I will eat everything. I will eat an obscene amount of food. I will force feed myself. I will force feed my friends. We will be the fattest cutters in camp. We will sew together blankets to cover ourselves.
Sub Phase 4 – Run Shit – My plan culminates in being so fat I say fuck it. I hire a tailor and buy the bombast suits ever. Then my fat assed friends and I go out to put a fat wreck on some bitches. Most girls wouldn't go for a group of fat dudes. But fuck it. I sneeze hundred dollar bills. We will get more ass than ever before. We will laugh at ourselves for ever being skinny and not getting any. We will eat like mobsters and fuck hot bitches like coke dealers, clearly the bomb life.
As you see I need help. I cannot manage this on my own. I need money to fund this operation. So help me win the Powerball or give me your savings and we can start from there.
I have spoken. Let it be written. Let it be done.