Don't Get All Butt Hurt About It

Right. Me and Chad McGreevy agree that the woman on the current issue of, "Women's Health" is in need of all of her holes being filled with what Chad and myself have to offer. We are of the opinion that she is officially second only to Keira Knightly.
I realized today that all of the problems in life occur because people don't think things through. For instance, today at work I had to shit and I failed to check if there was any toilet paper. As it stood there wasn't. When I ended and realized I had nothing to wipe my ass with, i made a rash decision. To be fair, it was a beautiful decision, just not thought out. The bathrooms in my office have showers, so I took one instead of walking around looking for toilet paper with mud-butt. As I washed my ass it dawned on me that my towell was in the upstairs locker room. Now there comes a time, in every man's life, when decisions have to be made, and I made a decision.
To get to the upstairs locker room one must go outside and walk up the stairs. I thought, "It's noon and everyone is at lunch. The chances of anyone important seeing me run upstairs nakes is about 4%." I bet the odds. I grab my uniform and head out the door.
Unbeknownst to me, the Command Sergeant Major was inspecting our parking lot so he saw me. Now while in a very technical sense, I out rank him, in a very literal sense he can destroy me. He stopped me and asked me what in the hell I was doing, as I explaind, he thought it would be a good punishment to make me do push ups and sit ups. Naked. On the concrete. As he explained how I need to think things through.
Good times.
I think it's safe to say that soon, Colorado will be the new National Capitol. You heard it here first.
We will run to safety but I will fall back. I will take on the force giving chase. I will not live. You will not know of me fate. I will not have died for you. I will not have died at all. I will have simply left in order to fill a larger vessel and destroy evil. I see this. You will continue to watch American Idol. I will return to my body and you will not see. I will continue to live my life. You will have perished as I cleanse the earth of the irrefutable.