Xanthine Warship
Right. I am thinking, nay demanding, that after the Army and after baseball-o-rama, that I will adopt a child. It will be great. No wife, just a kid to teach and raise to not be a douche bag. I think I'd make a good dad. I think I'd be a shitty husband. I think a good thing to do the night before you are married is to get a tattoo. I think a good tattoo to get would be a knife on your stomach. Then you can have it say, "I'll love you with my heart, I'll love you with my life, I'll love you with my soul, I'll love you with this knife. Leave me and I'll fucking kill you bitch."What you don't realize is that I am writing this in the future. I have traveled into the future to write this to bring it back to the past to enlighten you. But at the present, you are reading shit I wrote in the future, traveled there from the past and posted it in the present. It's a simple equation: the past plus the future divided by the present times the square root of genius equals the best blog ever.
The best part of my day is taking my boots off.
You know what I need in my life? MILF's. A fuck-ton of them. I need one to live across from me. I need one in my car. I need one in my bed. I need on in the bathroom. I don't think I have made this clear: I love MILF's.
There was a time when the shit I knew wasn't so important. There was a time when the biggest worry in my life was my laundry. There was a time when I looked forward to the weekend. I love it how it sucks here.
I still can't hear or say the word, "homeowner" without laughing.
I think a kick ass name for a kid is, "Agent." That’s badass. I wish my name were Agent. If my name was Agent there is no way I’d ever be affected adversely by the Y2K bug, because that fucker is coming back.
I imagine that when it is all said and done, my life will be as small as your mind. My actions will be as violent as your sex life. My thoughts will be as pure as you raise your daughter to be. My hands will be as battered as your wife. My skin will be as rough as your opinions. My heart will be as open as your politics. My bones will be as brittle as your record collection. My love will be as fierce as your concealment of your homosexuality. My soul will be as worn as your talking points. I will die with a smile and you will die with anger. I will die with a can of Murphy's in my hand. You will die grasping to straws. I will die with tobacco in my lip. You will die spewing shit. I will live to bow and scrape and serve. You will live to disdain my life. We will both die having changed nothing. I will come back to watch her and wish I could have been better. You will laugh because of my desire to protect her. I will have one moment in eternity when I can protect her. You will be too busy scoffing at my patience.
posted by Yossarian at 6:57 PM
22 Comments:
this was most excellent.
like a salad of entertainment of the literary variety.
please explain the milf fascination as I don't quite grasp it as easily as I do the fascination of big breastissiz
yes please explain
lol
no blush. no "lol".
I was completly serious.
it's a topic whose tale needs to be told.
just like how i can't figure out what's so hot about kids under the age of 10. What's the fascination? I just can't get into kiddie porn no matter how i try. I'm stumped.
youre totally right. i hope he takes your suggestion. i will be waiting with baited breath to see if he has the balls. then i will lol
you dont scare me k
see yoss likes older women. which is fortunate. because we are all getting older. he will be the only person that is a socially acceptable dirty old man. the rest of us will still want women in their early to mid twenties, when yoss is craving the peri-menopausal, wear too much makeup, mom of three.
I think anything approaching menopause is testing the bound between MILF and GILF.
I never thought I scared you, blush. I thought what scared you was the prospect of strangers laughing at you. Which they still are.
But, whatever. I can put up with your vapid responses to Y's posts.
"Yeah lol"
C -- reminiscent of Fat Crew, no? "Yeah, that!"
And why would it take balls for Y to talk about why his tastes range to the MILF side of things? Or is that some transparent, if nonsensical, attempt to bait him into talking about it?
its an inside joke.
laugh all you want
Maybe. I have my doubts that you two have inside jokes. See, nothing about your conversations with Y have been very "inside".
But that's all I'll say about that.
for the record, the milf debate has been debated in a separate forum.
all is well and good in the world.
yoss does push the limits though. his preference seems to soar above the thirties, pushing forties and fifties. why yoss, why!
as for fat crew, i dont know exactly the point you are referring to....? and i know a thing or two about fat crew. i know that one of my friends down in miami tried to get with mrs. brown and tall of the fat crew affiliates. k, you know exactly who i am talking about. this guy is fucking magic and still couldn't seal the deal. as you likely know, she is in stl and working for wash u. use nordic power to locate. or just go to the re....no dont do that.
where is the advice dickead?
Yes, where is the Advice Dickead?
The Advice Dickead is sorely missed.
VIVA LOS ADVICE DICKHEAD!
NEVERMIND!
HERE YOU GO!
DEAR ADVICE DICKHEAD!
I AM SLIGHTLY FRIGHTENED OF THE EXTREME RAGES MY SUBORDINATE FLIES INTO WHENEVER THINGS DON'T GO HIS WAY. SOMETIMES HE TELLS ME STORIES ABOUT DIFFERENT INCIDENTS IN HIS PAST WHERE HE DOES SCARY THINGS TO PEOPLE THAT WRONG HIM. NOW I'M NERVOUS TO EVER REPRIMAND THE DUDE FOR FEAR OF HAVING MY TIRES SLASHED OR EXLAX PUT INTO MY OATMEAL. WHAT DO I DO?
SIGNED,
SCARED IN SOUTH PARK
send him to me. i have the legal authority to fuck his world up.
if someone is your subordinate and they scare you can't you just demote or fire them. then blame some upper power for their lay-off. what is with this scared shit. I would sit at my window in the dark just hoping the fuck would come to me and try to act out some kind of revenge on my car.
most of us have lives merideth. we cant just sit at our windows.
Movies.
V for Vendetta is friggin awesome. Makes you want to go blow up the White House...more so.
That is all.
...No, it isn't. Silent Hill preview looks dope. X-men 3 preview looks tepid.
name one movie based on a video game that was any good? ONE!!! Aside from Spy Hunter.
before I answer that, can you confirm if there was a version of "Pitfall, the Movie"?
Resident Evil
Milla = good
the fifth element.
milla does = good.
if it wasnt a video game it should have been
wait it was a video game and i beat that shit in record time
k, ima call you til you pick up your phone.
forever....
forever sandlot style
FOR- EVVVVV-- ER
super mario brothers was awesome
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