19 July 2005

Fade Into You


Right. I should note that after writing this post I was overcome with delight. After reading the post I have concluded that my suspicion of this post being the greatest writing ever constructed by the hand of man is correct. Enjoy!
Last night I was fucking starving. Do I curse too much? Fuck no. I was obnoxiously hungry. I decide it is in my best interest to grab the old cell phone and call up my local pizza delivery franchise. I order a pizza with about four hundred toppings. No. I was bullshitting. There were only three toppings, chicken, mushrooms and jalapeños to be exact. So I eat the pizza. I ate the son of a bitch good. I ate it in ways that made me feel dirty. But a good type of dirty. Like after you watch hermaphrodite porn. But then it hit. I felt so sick. I think the chicken was rotten. And there it went. Vomit spewed forth like a volcano. Only instead of lava, it was pizza. Did you see how I just insulted your intelligence there? I am sorry. Anyway, I continue puking up everything I ate and some stuff I didn't eat. I yacked up something, which tasted much like a chimichanga. Now I should inform you that the last time I had a chimichanga is further away than the last time I had sex. I hadn't drunk anything while I ate the pizza. So it was very hard to puke it up. Lack of lubrication and all. So as I made a pillow out of wadded up bath towels and tried to cover my trembling body with a large towel whilst I prepared for another night passed out on the bathroom floor, I got to thinking. I thought about what other foods I had such a hard time puking up when I was sick. I haven't really been sick in a very long time. I can't remember when the last time I was actually sick was. So I tried to remember my childhood. I couldn't remember ever being sick. I knew I had been, but couldn’t remember. Lastly I thought about people who suffer from the horrible disease gingivitis. No not gingivitis, bulimia. Yes, that's the disease. I was wondering what foods they eat to ease the vomit making process? What foods do they avoid?
I do not know of any people suffering from this devastating disease. So I cannot ask. But I am really curious.