Stand Up And Fight
Right. I would like to share with you an experience I had last night resulting in me knowing I do not belong anywhere except Boston. I am trying to sleep because I am still fucked up with the west coast time and it's one in the morning and I have to be up at four to go to PT and I'm tired. Well the idiot who decides to park his car right outside my window has an alarm on his car. His KIA. Can you believe that? His fucking KIA has an alarm. So the fucking thing must be broken because it goes off for two hours every night. So last night I open my bedroom window, give it my best Wolverine yell and scream, "Hey fuck head, no one is going to steal your piece of shit parked next to my Acura. Turn the fucking thing off or I will slit your fucking throat." This is no big deal in Boston. This warrants a visit from the police in Puyallup. I would next like to share with you an experience I had today resulting in me wishing I could never leave the greater Seattle area. I go to get a haircut and I walk into a place called Gina's or Tina's or something. The HOTTEST Asian-American women are working and one promptly goes to town on my hair. The whole time her and her counterpart are speaking in some language I can’t understand. But what I do understand is broken parts of English mixed in with their conversation. The following word I could make out: "Emerald Eyes. Sexy, Sexy. Beautiful Curls. Back Room. Sexy, Sexy." I tipped her 200% and will go back next week in hopes of making this work.
I know you all want to know about my TV. It's fucking huge. I really have no room for it. But it rules. I love it. I watched the following movies in a row on my new bitch: Smokey and the Bandit, Cool Hand Luke, Riot Sluts 2, Mallrats and Sin City, all deserving of an LCD HDTV. I should also note that I really only watched Riot Sluts 2 for about 20 minutes. Sin City is the fucking bomb and bullocks to the lot of you for not tying me down and making me watch that shit.
No last paragraph today. Nothing about how she smelled constantly of vanilla. Nothing about how I stayed awake at night to watch her dream. You won't read about how looking into her eyes made you feel that you were better than you are. Nor will I say how looking into her eyes made you want to be better than the feeling she gave you of superiority. How everything she did was perfect. You won't read how every time you looked at her it was as if it was the first, because the human mind isn't sophisticated enough to retain such magnificence as reality. You won't get that shit out of me today.
posted by Yossarian at 1:59 PM
9 Comments:
Cocaine...it is imperative to the health of this new born baby I kid napped that you START BEING A GIANT GAY WITH US AND BLOG YOUR FUNNY ASS OFF. Also I need an address to send this coat to.
sin city was the shit.
and you watched riot sluts two for an entire 20 minutes?!?!?!
you are a better man than me.
cocaine doesnt take commands. cocaine gives commands through the nose. now push! the truth is that funny shit doesnt happen to me often and my blog would likely be some lame shit. except recently when a patient wanted me to financially back and intellectually contribute to his 4 dimensional gameboard called astronomicus. i said yeah, i have some money floating around but i want to know about the goods first. so i start out and ask is the fourth dimension spiritual like a wedgie board? and he looked at me like ive never said an intelligent thing in my entire existence and in a deadpan serious drone said no. "no issa like the fourth dimension." then i realized yeah, just like one dimension above a three dimensional board game. ive got it. he's coming back in a couple weeks for us to iron out the details.
then i threatened a old guy that checked me in my rec league hockey game. my head was down and i got fucking leveled. i was told that there was a large component of cross check on that shit but obviously could tell considering i never saw it coming. my head hit hard. i was furious. was at the penalty box door finger pointing. my helmet is off, why dont you come out and punch me now. that guy was about thirty/forty pounds bigger than me, but fuck off if im going take any shit from "just for men" there. after the game the other team is like skate it off skate it off. i dont even know what that means. unless it means spin him to the ice and pummel his face then skate it off. never knew there were such cowboys out there.
talking about cowboys out there, brokeback mtn. come on, honestly. how many other names could there be for the mountain? many. or you could use the mountain that is one peak over called like mount manhood.....wait or two peaks over called mount hotbeaver.
word
you better start listening to kurtis blow. that is the best shit ever. who is the artist again that you played briefly in your car. songs about infidelity. oddly if i did write a blog i would only want a couple people to read it. and you know who it would be.
see i am also retarded cause i type too fast and think too slow. a weegie board. not a wedgie board. that sounds like some game they'd play on brokeback mountain, christos!
If your woman steps out with another man,
(That's the breaks, that's the breaks)
And she runs off with him to Japan,
(That's the breaks, that's the breaks)
And the IRS says they want to chat,
(That's the breaks, that's the breaks)
And you can't explain why you claimed your cat
-BLOW
dont buy these albums of kurtis. i dont want to be responsible
i assume that since you are mailing that shit you arent coming to stl for christmas
OK, see? Write a damn blog, woman.
i am writing a blog
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