It Really Is An Amazing Country

Right. I am here. Tomorrow I have to go get the uniforms straight and I'll report and all that good shit. I called an Army buddy of mine today who was supposed to go to Hawaii. I wanted to see how he was enjoying it and all. Turns out that over his vacation he found out his kid had a fucking brain tumor. Sheesh. The kid is like a year old or some shit. He's pretty broken up about it, but more together than I would be. He got a pretty sweet deal though, he won't be going to Hawaii, but he'll be hanging out with this non-deployable Colonel in Nebraska. He will get to see his kid and wife every night. Good. I couldn't imagine that. Poor guy.
So...gin...good.
In case you didn’t know, there is a small town in Montana. In this small town there is a Subway. This Subway hires, apparently, the future of modeling. I am not lying. I don't know the name of the town, but I must go back and order another tuna sandwich. I am not lying, each of these girls was 16 and each looked like they were created in a lab. Maybe Ted Turner has some lab where he makes hot girls. I got to get in on that racket.
In other news, South Dakota is the most racist place ever. I can't say that for a fact. But I was outside my hotel smoking my cigarette, and this guy comes walking in and says, "Think it'll get cold?" I laughed and said yes because it was like 3 degrees or some shit. Then he says, "I bet them niggers in Clearwater Florida aren't cold." I sort of just tried to breathe as he walked inside. What? Who? Why the? When did? What made? I don't. Where was? I had no idea what to even think. I still can't wrap my head around it.
Did you know there is a three-story building made entirely of corn? I was amazed to. I have my picture of me trying to take a bite of the gutter.
Did you know that Elvis once ate at this joint somewhere and boned the owner of the eating establishment? I heard the whole story.
Did you know there is a 40-foot high ball of twine? I have a picture of me kicking it. I do not have a picture of me damn near breaking my crazy neck as I slipped on the ice whilst kicking.
Did you know that the Hotel I am staying in is completely non-smoking? Fucking bastards. Thank God for Copenhagen.