This Product Is Not A Safe Alternative To Cigarettes
Right. I am not a moralist. But the family channel is running old episodes of "Wife Swap." I say again. I am not a moralist, but the FAMILY CHANNEL is running old episodes of "WIFE SWAP." I'm glad I got that out there.I hear the line, "I wish I knew how to quit you," from Broke Back Mountain at least 1800 times a day. This is amazing considering I listen only to ESPN radio and don't watch TV. But I manage to hear this line all the time. I wish I knew how to erase that line from my brain. I don't care that one man says it to another man it's just lame. Even I, in all my sappy thoughts, wouldn't say something so queer.
I am grateful. Today I received the greatest news ever. My brother and his wife are having a child. Yes, he knocked her up. Now my mother and father can leave me the fuck alone for nine months and stop asking me when I will make them some grandchildren. I always get a kick out of that shit because they know I'm single. It's hard for me to make children on my own. But I have a lot of baby socks running around if you know what I am talking about.
Things will never be the same. The spark is extinguished and the smoke signals the dawn. The time is spent and the money is lost. We turned a weekend into a few years, and that is better than most people will do. Jobs will come. Wives will follow. Mortgages, children, leaky gutters, weekend retreats and the lawn will soon take precedent. I will miss all of this in you. I will have to catch up. I am sorry. But I promise you that upon my return I will always have hockey seats.
Her stay in my life was all too brief. She had barely enough time to dry her hair and enjoy a drink before she left. She made an impression though. I can still make out her shape from the wrinkles in the sheets. I can still smell her soap on the bath towel. Her makeup is still on my pillow. I still think of her when I look in the mirror. I remember how good she looked walking up behind me and resting her head on my shoulder as we looked into each other's eyes through the mirror. I thought of throwing that mirror away. Its purpose has been served. It will never depict the beauty it did when she was here. She came into my life, she brought with her a glimpse of heaven then she killed and resurrected me in one night. The life I have is hers because she gave it to me. Because the life I had died the moment I bathed in her shadow.
posted by Yossarian at 10:20 PM
12 Comments:
you've outdone yourself with this one
and thats great about your brother
baby socks. classic. a beautiful classic
I reckon you are gonna have to save your money so you can afford another night with her.
i enjoyed the baby socks comment as well...
It´s amazing isn´t it, the older ones keep pushing for children. I was 25 when three of my grandparents had already asked me whenever I was going to marry. I know now they only ask it so they get the chance to aske the other question, when are you going to have a child?
Has this been like this since the stoneage? Will it continue untill all humans are "born" within an incubator?
Luckily or not I´ve felt a strong reluctance since the early age of 9 to falling in line with the others and have a house, car, dog, wife and children.
23 years later I still have none of those and I sure am lonely! Maybe they knew something, my grandparents.
I was wondering, is this woman you are always writing about one person...or several? Not that it's any of my business but since you write about it here in public I figured I could ask.
I am fascinated with your appreciation of beauty.
All questions directed to Yossarian will be answered by me, his agent.
Good question! I’ll be very honest with you, “she” is usually a woman in his head, a figment of his imagination. He usually just writes what he thinks woman might like. As proof of this, I would like it noted that “she” rarely speaks and when “she” does, it’s nice and succinct. Now you name one real woman whom doesn’t ramble on and annoy the piss out of everyone by spouting off at the mouth, at great lengths, whether you want her to or not, and I will heat this hat Yossarian bought me.
Agent of Yoss
i dont know who that guy is, but he's funny and officially now my jam...officially. she is sometimes real but usually made up. i just think about a woman, or i see a random woman or i remeber some ol' broad i stuck it to and what you have is this/
hmmm....interesting shit.
K...are you out there? say something controversial. I miss the fighting.
So I was watching some child porn today...
Did I say that out loud?
now see that made me laugh.
we'll have to try again later.
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