Help Me Name My Nephew

Right. And then you just want to come around like ain't nothing happen when you said that shit. Well fuck all that. Me and Chad McGreevy have something for you. It's called you fucking right off. All you do is talk and Chad and I are in agreement that you waste all your energy flapping your man-pleasers. I had to calm Mr. McGreevy down and tell him you don't need to die...yet.
I'm thinking about packing myself up with a bottle of water and a bag of Sun Chips in the box my TV came in and shipping myself to a random address in California. Then when the good people open up the box I pop out and hand out a beat down. Then I take their house over and swim in their pool and use their washing machine. Then I would steal all their food and high priced end items and sell them shits on Ebay and make a boatload. All profit. If I happen to get mailed to a box full of beautiful naked big-tittied bitches, well then I think it's safe to say I'd be fucking them because they'd be attracted to me due to all the money I'd be making selling all their shit. Foolproof.
Chad McGreevy and I have decided that the name my idiot brother and his outstanding wife decided for their soon to be son sucks ass. Grayson. Sweet merciful crap that is terrible. So my plan was to just call him by a different name every time I see him untill they realize the mistake they made and rename the sumbitch. But Chad McGreevy is so smart. he decided he would leave it to you to decide. As a bonus, if I get some good participation, I will answer an email and give advice this week. Everyone wins. Help me out.
I am giving serious consideration to breaking up with the current skirt. The thing is, she is getting a little too attached. In addition, she is short and as we all know, it is hard to see eye to eye with a girl standing collar bone high. Also, I want to have sex with other people.
People ask me all the time, "Yo Yossarian, what's up with this?" My response is always the same, "Shut the fuck up." I love my job.
The universe started for this moment. The entire span of evolution happened so you could be here with me right now. Moreover, so you could exist and grace the infinite psyche. When all knowledge is bestowed upon us, your visage will be most cherished. You're the reason I was born and the reason the race was given sight. The shape of your face, the firmness of your waist deserve a whole new language. I listen to you sleep and it is the most mesmerizing cacophony I have heard. Your voice is the voice God uses to sing to everyone while in the womb. You are the representation of heaven. You are what everyone should strive to be and what few are. You are forever the driving force behind all my actions and inside of me more so than I will ever be inside you. I have given you forever and you have given me a finite amount of time. It's a fair trade and I would do it a thousand times over if it meant your fingernails would remain as soft and as firm as they are today.