24 August 2006

I Got My Own Network

Right. I decided that from here on out all of my blog entries will consist of only one word. As soon as I implement this you can go about your day, sit down at your desk for lunch, check my blog and read, "magazine." How great would that be? The answer is awesome.
I am against land equality. Because I know in my heart a nice warm beach is better than a muddy assed mountain.
There was a time when I was fun to be around. There was a time when I knew how to have a good time. I could meet girls, drink beer, laugh and still drive home. I could drink till 4 in the morning, sleep for 3 hours and play 5 hours of pick up basket ball in the morning. Now all I know how to do is curse, bark orders and dip. I hope I fall back into my old routine. I hope there is a drink with a little straw hat in it for me.
The bakery across the street from me has bomb ass pretzels. I could eat one every fifteen minutes for at least...One million years. To demonstrate that I can do this, I will do it starting now. Delicious.
Every time I am watching TV and see a really old car in a movie, I secretly hope the movie is Johnny Dangerously. That movie was funny.
You know what I love? Kids. I can't help it. My buddy Paul is married and has a bazillion kids, all boys, running around being all reckless and crazy. I go over there for lunch and it's all, "UNCLE YOSS!!!!!!" We play, we wrestle around and they beat the crap out of me. It is awesome. I need kids. Who wants to fuck me, give birth and then leave me alone so I can have a buddy to watch cartoons with? Kids generally like me, unless they hate me, which isn't uncommon, except that only a handful of kids have, but man have they, so it's all up in the air.
I hope when we die, we get to live in the best part of our lives forever. I hope my eternal soul has enough brain cells to survive an infinite number of Thursday nights my senior year of college.
I can't wait for all my shit to get here, especially my car. If anyone knows how I can get my navigation system to work in Europe I would appreciate it.

9 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

i wonder if you could find a coldstone creamery?

24/8/06 15:18  
Blogger unkind said...

good lord...

25/8/06 01:45  
Blogger Yossarian said...

what are you good lording about?

25/8/06 07:05  
Blogger xTx said...

when you do the one word thing, can you do one with "cuntacular"?

I think that would be...well...cuntacular.

25/8/06 10:28  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i want to have ten kids.
everywhere. playskool toys. games like not eating dinner. a suburban to carry them all. we could go to the park. and have picnics. and go to panera bread and have expensive chicken sandwichs.

i whooped a pony's ass today. some black girl at my work is amazon tall, unkind.

25/8/06 13:53  
Blogger unkind said...

I'm good lord-ing at c's incessant use of coldstone creamery references. It's rising to "check it" levels.

25/8/06 14:03  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you dont know the restraint....panera bread then the a short trip in the suburban to
_ _ _ _ stone _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

fucking check it!

25/8/06 16:07  
Blogger unkind said...

Are we playing hangman?

I pick "C".

25/8/06 21:36  
Blogger Blush said...

me gusta los pretzels

26/8/06 06:26  

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