Swept That Ass

Right. I wanted to do something. I wanted to blog here tonight about something important, something that would hit that medulla oblongata in its ass and make you think. I wanted to blog about something that made you change your views on international relations, but only regarding the countries Uganda, Bhutan, Moldova and Togo. I wanted to write some shit that made you change how you think of me in a polar opposite direction than how you think of me now, no matter which way the needle turns on your opinion of me. I had this whole thing that was both erroneous and logically sound. It was fantastic, as in four. However, I will not do that tonight. In its stead I will do this.
I met this girl tonight, a girl I will marry. The future Mrs. Yossarian and current Ms. Biel can taste every vein. This girl was really wild man, she's something else. She is of the Arc, she is from the cosmos and she is capable of launching a thousand times the thousand ships launched prior to her.
I spit my dip out as I walked over to her. Hello I said, she responded with an annoyed glance. I retorted with a remark about how if I were her I would ignore me too, however I just wanted to spend some money and get drunk. She didn't seem interested and said something about not liking Americans. I couldn't have disagreed more. I knew she liked Americans, she just hadn't met any worth knowing.
Words were thrown. Looks were glanced. Smiles were exchanged. Numbers were given. Laughs were had. Skin was touched. Eyes were beautiful.
You are too brash she said.
You are too homely I said.
I've never met anyone as brazen as you she said.
I've never had a reason to be brazen I said.
You have pretty eyes she said.
We are in agreement I said.
I need another drink she said.
I'm all over it I said.
Why did you talk to me she asked.
Because in all the world, in all the time the world has been, the only reason for the evolution of families, countries, war culture and economics was to bring me here to meet you tonight. You are what would keep a man away from the world. You are what is. I would die happily knowing you walked the earth in this form, because in previous lives you were a comedy, a waterfall, a massive field of grain in the spring wind, a clear night in June and you were once the sea in a time before ocean dumpage. How many times will I be able to hear the voice of a waterfall? How often will a comet drink with me. When will I be able to hold the vast beauty of nature? I simply wanted to talk to you because you are what always will be no matter how wretched and horrible man is.
She asked me how many women I had used that line on. I replied with four. She laughed, kissed me and took me to a bar where we danced all night. She is sleeping now. I am going to return to her and hope I never forget the part of her that is with me now.