Just Take A Risk

Right. Let is never be said Yossarian is not a fair man. Let it never be said Yossarian is not an understanding man. Let it be said that Yossarian tolerates failure. So the new private comes to work today all motivated. We are going on a bloody run I tell him. He tells me that he fell out of the Squadron run because of the flu shot and he is feeling much better and he will never fall out again. While another man might have interpreted that as motivation, I took it as a challenge.
Not really. I understand how flu shots make you feel like a years worth of jizz backed up into your brain. So I let it slide. We go on our normal run for a Monday and I'll be damned if this bint didn't fall out. That made me as happy as a puppy with two peters, because lunch was soon upon us.
We break for lunch and I say, "Hey private...where you going for lunch." He replies with Burger King. Fucking right you are going to Burger King. Git. "Think again. Grab your PT's," I say. We run. Now we have an hour and a half for lunch. We ran the miles and a half to Burger King, we circled it 5 times, we ran 4 miles out and then we took a short cut and 4 miles back to where he could change.
It was around the point we started to turn around when he slowed down. Now I wasn't busting his ass on the speed, but I was keeping a good pace and his ass started complaining. "I can't go on. I'm tired. My pussy hurts."
Fine. So for the four miles back we sprinted 100 meters at a time and jogged for 50. It was around the 10th sprint his nose started bleeding. "I have to take a shit," he says. "No you don't. Your body is losing a lot of water and your insides are tightening to excrete water and hydrate your body. You should drink more water. Your intestines are contracting making you think you have to shit. Trust me," I say. I have no idea if that is what actually happens. But it sounded good.
"Why is my nose bleeding?" I reply with, "Because you are a pansy and need to run more. Haven't you seen Hidalgo? When the horse gets a bloody nose he wins the race. It's a good thing." "Sir we need to stop. I might die." "You aren't going to die. Nobody dies. Pay attention and run."
Long story short he finished the run and did not die. He took a shit and changed clothes. I asked him if he was going to fall out of another run. He said no. Little does he know we are running tomorrow and if he falls out I am going to make him carry me Fireman style for 3 miles. Sometimes this job isn't so bad.
Other times it makes me want to see how fast I can get a bullet through my face. All in all I hope someone gives me a job when I leave the Army.
Unkind needs to tell me that book from the Werewolves point of view I need to read so I can buy it and read it.