Don't Back Down
Right. How the fuck does being unfunny on Saturday Night Live make anyone a political expert? I mean, being unfunny in general makes you a douche, and being unfunny on a funny show must make you a moron. Or in this case number 34 on my top 50 people I hate in the world. In addition, Al Franken's voice makes me want to skin children alive. Grampa is officially my jam and will be regarded as such henceforth.
In a completely sterile environment, I would like for you to start ripping apart my flesh because I would like to study my own muscles. I would do that myself, but I don't want dirt and all to get in there. So you should maybe think of cleaning your bathroom.
I cut the piss out of my thumb knuckle during the water gun fight as I unscrewed the sprinkler from the hose. How? Because my stupid hands are friggin huge. One might question why my hands are so big. But the real question is why my thumb knuckle has piss in it.
I remember the first time I saw the Ramones. I was small and scared of the crowd. I stood in the back. I couldn't see them but at least it was loud.
I don't want to work out anymore. I don't even want to run. I just want to drink and smoke cigarettes and be a very unhealthy person. I was a lot happier when I was unhealthy. But then again, I don't give a baker's fuck about being happy. I care about poontang. Neither has payed off in the poontang department. Maybe I should become a rapper who raps about how he doesn't get laid and can't afford jewelry and gets beat up a lot. I think more people can identify with that. I'll be a bazzillionaire.
Labels: the greatest shit ever
posted by Yossarian at 12:24 PM
4 Comments:
Bazillion is one of my favorite words to say.
i can't wait for your next number on the hate list for reasons I shouldn't have to explain.
you should have an entire entry about my work mousepad because it is pretty hateable. I've been wanting to rip into the absolute lameness of my mousepad for several months now, but I keep forgetting to.
So, maybe, as a footnote to your next hate post, you could mention that you have hate for my mousepad even though you don't know a thing about my mousepad, but just do it for me because you know if I hate something that much, it's probably cool to hate in your book also.
Like that Akon cuntbag.
al franken is pretty hateable
stephen colbert tore him to shreds
it was nice
as soon as you said you had big hands it was all over for me - then i could just see your mouth going yayayayaya
i loooove big hands
especially with callouses and blisters
and maybe even piss
but then I'm also probably old enough to be your favourite aunt and not a brazzilionairre one at that *wink* so big hands and poontang should not be in a sentence I'm writing...
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