You Kissed Him In Secret. I Know Cause I Seen It

Right. Reason number one why Canada rules: They place people playing hockey on their five-dollar bill. Reason number 2: they invented hockey. That’s about it.
I was looking at her today imagining how much I would enjoy making out with her. It was nice. She caught me starring a couple of times, but she just smiled as I tried to look away. Today she looked good. Maybe it's because I haven't seen many women lately, but maybe because she really is attractive. I know she is smart. But today there was something about her that made me wish we lived in Roman times and I could tell her things like how her beauty made me intensely depressed because someday her beauty would rot away in the ground with everyone else and how it upsets me to know that future generations wouldn't be able to soak her in as I have. Those generations will miss out on a lot. In Roman days I could have said this shit and got away with it. But now I am some gangsta thug wanna be playing my game. But alas, that shit is no longer acceptable. Could it be that today she looked that good? Or was it that I found drinking beer for breakfast makes the whole day painless?
It’s about that time of year indeed.
I have thusly tried watching Bubba Ho-Tep five times. I have thusly laughed my ass off five times. I have thusly fallen asleep at the same part five times. Conversely, I have thusly had five wet dreams involving people I shouldn’t and enjoyed all five till the end.
One day, I will figure it all out.
This is hitting hard. Yes.
I hope I get all that spam today like I did yesterday. At first I wanted to turn it off, but then it made me happy to live under the apocryphal assumption that people read this.