Belsen Was A Gas
Right. Here is a list of shit I love about the Holliday Season:Sucking on a candy cane until it is a weapon.
That is all.
I will be spending my first Christmas away from anyone I know this year. But that is okay because I just made a trip to the porn store and I have plenty of MILF's to keep me company.
Did you know that I can drink 3 gallons of water in a day? I found that out myself yesterday.
Man. I have nothing to contribute here. But that’s fine because I don't see you winning any awards. Except for X. That bitch always wins shit. I won some shit once. But nothing cool. This post is taking me all day to write. I write a sentence and then go sit on the sofa and think of what the fuck else I ought to be doing with my life. I also went to the gym. I might go to the mall later. I am pretty hated in my apartment complex. My work here is done and I've only just begun.
Boredom.
I need to take a shit.
What if I told you that right now, as I type, I am the recipient of the best blowjob ever? What if I told you that today I went to the mall and got to shucking and jiving with some redhead inside of the Hallmark store? What if I said to you that she mentioned that her Internet is down and it sucks for her because she lives online? What if I were to tell you that her mouth is the warmest place I have ever been? What if the conversation went on and she mentioned blogging and I mentioned that I had one and then she said she reads my shit but didn't believe that I was the author? Wow. Anyway, what if on a bet she followed me home and I proved to her that I am Yossarian. What if I said she just cupped my balls as I blew my load down her throat? Would you believe me? Because I'm lying. I ain’t even go to the damn mall. Do you feel used?
posted by Yossarian at 6:13 PM
7 Comments:
Cocaine...John Legend. The song I played for you was called Number One and it is awesome.
completely
i was going to the mall then i stopped and turned around a little over half way there. and went home after i got extra sharp cheese, an artichoke, and bullshit tv dinners that have been revamped to be organic gourmet, ethnic food, like eggplant pizza. you think that i believe that hype that cheese was made from bessie and there are no preservatives. if if believe that, i'd also believe in the fated new coke of years ago. no not my favored powdery bliss, but dark rum colored carbonated desire. i dont know what to do with an artichoke. im going to steam it and see what happens when i try to eat it.
people went bowling. i didnt go. people tell me not to reach into coin returns on a pay phone cause there might be a needle in there from someone with hiv. in response, when the do i use a pay phone? according to that paranoia needles with hiv could be anywhere, like in the thumb hole of a bowling ball. this means that i should pick the eight or nine pound ball, not put my thumb in hole rather try the spin technique that seems to work only on espn 2 when the ball tails to the edge then comes back from the dead toward center lane, wail the ball down the lane and try to spin the needle out by centripetal force, then talk smack about how the lanes aren't properly waxed when i bowl a 72.
up for comment. serious topic. ah whatever ill talk about it next time. this is a very serious matter that will be addressed later.
your blog is now over. analogous to quarto total recall style, within this blog is another blog. my blog will live within your blog. i will help sean realize the secret......open your mind, sean. open your...m--i--n--d.....
the secret......the secret is restructuring. yeah, restructuring outa retards. like me.
i just stole your blog shitto, so what are you going to do about it, mr. pacific northwest. you going to try to look tough yet approachable/environmentally friendly by riding your bicycle to work.
oh, about the guy with kia. you need to clown that guy for being such a shitto. go to his apt then repair burned bridges. get his confidence over the course of a couple minutes that you are really a good guy and he must have just caught you at a bad time when you wanted to slit his throat. then once things are happy like pumpkin pie with whipped cream, then ask him "what kind of car do you have again?" and he will say "a KIA" then you say "great, KIA get outta my face before something bad happens." then "KIA grow a pair and not call the cops like a lil bitch"...even better if it is a girl
I guess cocaine has decided to start writing his blog...on your blog
i think if cocaine got off his lilly white ass and got his own blog i would read it religously.
now Y...on the other hand...I already do. I savor you like a fuckin' expensive one of a kind, handmade truffle from -insert fancy upscale boutique name here-. You used the term "shuckin and jiving" and i fell once more...hard. i beleive your mall story because i want to. plus i like feeling used at the end.
the candy cane comment was priceless as well.
you would think I stood a chance to inherit a million dubloons from you the way I go on and on about yer shit wouldn't you?
but no. i just really really really really really really really really really really really like it a lot infinity.
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Best regards from NY! » »
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