Don't Make Me Act The Mother Fucking Fool
Right. The jerkoff in my office is all, "Hey LT. You want in on this NCAA tournament sir? Do you gamble sir?" "Do I gamble?" Have you met me? I'm throwing twenties on the cockroach races in the barracks. I put odds on which coffee maker will brew the fastest. Do I gamble? Putz. I throw down on the NFL draft people. There isn't anything I won't bet on. Suffice it to say, I now have 12 brackets in the pool. Hooah.
There are many things you can do with your time, yet you come here. I will list a few things you ought to do instead of reading this garbage.
10 – Sending me cash money
9 – Watching videos at www.youtube.com
8 – Fucking
7 – The wanton slaughter of millions of innocents
6 – Learning Arabic
5 – Planning on eating cereal
4 – Running
3 – Stealing shit delivered to your neighbor
2 – Growing some type of vegetation, preferably flowers
1 – Getting over yourself if needed
I realized I am fucked up in the head. I love my job. It sucks. I work crazy hours. I bust my ass. I run. I shoot. I blow shit up. I listen to shit blow up all day. I volunteered during a time of war. I demanded to be sent to a unit going to war. I bleed. I sweat. I am going to live in a box for 3 weeks. I love this shit.
Today at my job I found out that I was going to get screwed out of a day off. I did what I do, I screamed, "Cocksucker." Can you do that at your job?
Today at my job some private was being disrespectful toward me. This guy got drunk last weekend, got his ass beat and now has a broken nose and about 37 1/2 black eyes. So here is what I did, I locked him up and I made him push for about an hour while I did the necessary paperwork to demote him in rank and take half his paycheck from him for three months. Can you do that at your job?
I was trying to get out of this event we have Thursday night. I explained I couldn't go because I have a date. My commander said for me to bring her and I said negative because she doesn’t know I am in the Army and she is anti-army. He started to give me some honesty speech when I said that I wasn't trying to marry the girl. He said, "True. Fuck her commie brains out." I said, "Roger." Can you do that at your job?
I am headed to places they call sacred. I am heading to cradles of civilizations. I love this shit. I have a laser-guided .50 caliber mounted machine gun. I have a Stryker. I roll at 80 miles an hour and search to destroy. I love this shit. I am fucked up in the head. I think, and this is just an idea I am kicking around in my head, but I think I might do this until it is no longer fun.
posted by Yossarian at 5:52 PM
16 Comments:
mmm... nothin like some pinko pussy
okay. ive been told that hooah actually means HUA. heard understood and acknowledged. is this true, yoss?
somebody stole my fuckin socks that i had delivered to my front door. ive had two suitcases that have sat out all day on the porch, compliments of lost luggage. never touched. a pair of socks in the mail. poof! like Kaiser Sose
i just ran about a mile and a half at nearly full tilt in 20 degree weather in a tee shirt because the fucker at the parking garage wouldnt let me out without my card and wanted me to pay. there is nothing worse that bitch ass parking attendants or paying for parking twice. so i parked illegally up front reserved for handicapped vans. threw my lab coat in the car. ran home. picked up my swipe card. ran back. rubbed my dick all over it then handed it to her. well all true but the dick part. nice form with the ole unkind peel out.
how long are you stateside, yoss?
remember that movie maverick with mel gibson and jodie foster? i dont
cocaine i think you might be better than the real thing.
we yell profanities at work all the time, but we prefer the word choade. anyone that buys a $15 burrito is a choade.
best regards, nice info » »
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