I Don't Listen To Either Of You

Right. What do you call a mailman who lost his job? Just some dude.
I wish you would fucking take me serious before I have to fucking cut you.
The guy who invented the apple fritter is the Michael Jordan of Thomas Edisons.
I wish I knew where the hookers did their laundry. I would totally frequent that establishment. Hoes need to wash their clothes. I can lend a hand. I am crafty when it comes to separating colors and the like.
I hope that one day, all of my works will be regarded as the highest works of genius ever accomplished by man. I mean all of my works. Sooner or later they will like the way I worked it.
I want to fuck. I want to take everything I learned at Sea World and apply it to fucking the ever-loving piss out of some unsuspecting woman. That'd be great.
I would like to share a story from my past. This is a funny story with no real moral, but it is entertaining. The names in this story have not been changed to protect those who are stupid.
I used to hang out with this guy Nate. Nate was, and I assume still is, a moron. I went to his house one evening to pick him up for the night. I picked him up because that was the standard operating procedure, as he never drove. Anyway, he was running late as usual and our friend Klump showed up. Klump came in looking terribly vexed. Klump informed us that his friends' dad had lost his job. He was a mailman and landed another job with a parcel service out of Virginia.
This sucked because it meant that Ben would be moving to Nor Folk Virginia. Klump said that the parcel service delivered anywhere in the U.S. overnight by train. The name of the service is, "Nor Folk-N-Way."
Fucking funny right?
Not to Nate. No, Nate decided it was cause for debate as he had just watched a show on trains and it was impossible for even the world's fastest train to accomplish this task. Duh. At first I thought it was all funny. However, Nate had a way of turning the funny into annoying as fuck. He argued with us for an hour in his kitchen. Every point he tries to make was responded with, "Yeah man. Nor Folk-N-Way." Then he would proceed to his next talking point of idiocy.
He argued with us for a half hour in my car, to which we responded with the above reply. Next we arrived at Denny's and Klump told the story to about 15 people. All of whom laughed and we all had a good time, sans Nate. For the most depressing three-hour block of my life, I watched a man argue vehemently about the impossibility of a train moving cross-country in one night. He broke it down on average stops, time of stops and everything under the sun. He even mentioned likely routes and sub-delivery to smaller areas.
His last point was that this man would soon be out of a job when the company was sure to be sued for false advertising. It was about this time when 15 people, in unison, dropped coffee spoons on the table withdrew inhaling cigarettes and said, "No shit. Nor Folk-N-Way. It's a fucking joke dumbass. Get it? 'No fucking way.' Get it?"
That was when Nate got the joke, realized he was wrong and responded with, "Yeah, but you have to admit I'm right about it being impossible."
Daft prat.