Little Baby Ducks

Dear Yossarian,

I am trying to organize a protest against aspects of the current Wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. I want to protest against the wanton killing of innocent and civilian men, women, and children. I also want to incorporate the treatment of detainees and hostages. I would like any information you can give me to help my protest.

Tom

Dear Lady,

If I were to take a multiple choice test and one of the questions was: Who has more Academy Awards than Martin Scorsese? A. Burt Reynolds B. 3-6 Mafia C. The Person Who Sent This Question D. None of the above. I would be torn. Sadly, the answer is B. However, if I had my druthers the answer would be A. I would get this question wrong because I would answer with C, because you are amazing at acting like a little bitch.
Do I sit down in your office and tell you how to fill my cavity? Have I waltzed into your CPA meeting and explained how to do my taxes? The answer to both of those questions is no. Maybe you work in a place where the customer tells you how he/she wants it. I am thinking Burger King.
But it's right there on the sign at Burger King. "Have it your way." Nowhere have I ever read, "The Army will fight and win the Nations wars in accordance with the views of some bitch." Except for just now, but that is only because I wrote it.
But let's get down to the issue. Specifically, the "wanton killing of innocents...and treatment of hostages." We could get into the whole, "who is really innocent" thing, but I don't want to. I am a scout. This means that before anyone knows where the enemy is, I do. I find them and if I am capable, I kill them. I search for the enemy. I go through an offensive amount of training on how not to wax the innocent. I know my job. I will do my job very soon. I look forward to doing my job.
You seem to have issues with the war. I dig it the most. You have every right to hate it. You have every right to protest it. You have every right to do whatever you want. I don't give a shit. I have friends, unkind friends, against my job. I respect it. I know he can separate the "sin" from the "sinner." I know that he knows that at the end of the day, I'm still Yoss and if needed, I'd be home in a few hours. Right now I do what I do. And what I do is like everything else, temporary.
You seem to think that I am inherently evil. I am okay with that. You think what you want. You want to protest aspects of the war. Moron. Protest the war. That's what you ought to have the issue with, and I would not agree with you, but I would not stand in your way. Would you have protested the treatment of slaves or the actual law allowing slavery?
You will think what you want and I can't change that. I am happy you have an opinion. But I disagree with you and nothing out there says I must agree with you. I only ask that you know that all units serving in theater undergo extensive training to discern the enemy from civilian. We, even I, undergo extensive training on how to treat detainees. We do not take hostages. Some people fail. We are human. Think about how many people at your job spit on my burger.

Thank you for your email lady,

Yossarian