Eternal Flame

Right. I hate student loans. Chiefly because I will never be able to pay them off, but mostly because: why didn't I think of that. "Oh you want to go to school and try to make something of yourself? Sure I'll pay, and you just forget that for the rest of your life you will pay me a trillion dollars a month and if the dollar loses enough of its value, I'll make you pay in Euros." Genius. What a sodding scam.
If I ran shit, all banks would have their debt wiped out via the cost of the Iraq war and we could all go back to zero. Start now mother fucker. But if I ran shit Iraq would have lasted close to 17 seconds and the most costly part of the war would have been the massive quantities of salt I would have shipped there so we could salt the earth so nothing would grow there for another thousand years. Iran would be a nice piece of glass and Syria would be the permanent bonfire for hot dog cookout for the children of the world. That's just me though. It's how I roll.
At the Christmas party I mentioned the other day, the gift I received was a Santa Clause nutcracker. It's real and it's German and it's the primary means by which I handle all communications in person these days. Oh, Staff Sergeant has his 13 billionth dumb question of the hour? No big deal. I just grab ol' Santa and move the lever in his back and in the highest voice I can muster say, "Great you git. And for Christmas I will get you a fully functioning brain so you can solve your own bleeding problems. Ho Ho Ho. Or would you like a dick in a box?" Thusly, my plan to be left alone for 10 minutes hasn't worked. People mostly think I’m just being funny.
If I were any funnier I might die.
I think that the gift I bought for the Christmas party and my consequent actions with my gift are the two greatest things I will ever have done with the entirety of my life. Seriously. When I stand before God and he asks what of my life I am most proud of, I will respond with my top 5 list. My top 5 list:
5 – Buy my car.
4 – Listen to Pat Benatar
3 – Sleep
2 – Drink with unkind and cocaine
1 – The 4/2 SCR 2006 Christmas party and its aftermath with wooden Santa
We are going to deploy here shortly. And even though this shit costs too much and I can't afford my student loan repayment on account of the shitty money I make, I am very excited about going. I am looking forward to it like I look forward to leaving the Army. I know it looks like I'm all over the place, but whatever. I want to go to war and then I want to go home and spend time with my parents. Maybe go to Church. Maybe eat a nice chicken salad sandwich. Maybe start smoking again. Maybe drink a whole lot more. Maybe get a job I hate but one that pays me enough to afford a couple goofy pieces of paper I once thought would open up some rungs on the ladder.
Did I mention I am going to Rome for Christmas? Well I am. It will rule. I leave on Christmas day. Do you know what it costs me to fly to Rome on Christmas day? 20 dollars. Do you know what it costs me to fly back? Nothing. Do you know what it costs me to stay in Rome? 200 dollars. Did I tell you that my hotel is 75 meters from the Coliseum? Well it is.
I made a change. I know it's shocking because if you know me you know I hate change. But I had to. I quit dipping Copenhagen. I know. I know. I'm done with it. No more. I've moved on to a whole new shit. I now chew Redman. 6th greatest thing I've ever done with my life.