The Following Events
Right. Lindsey Lohan is a fucking train-wreck and I cannot stop looking at her. I need a 12 step program to stop looking at her. I don't think 12 steps is enough. I need like a 12 woman smorgasbord to put a hurt on me the likes of which haven't been seen since antiquity to get her out of my mind.Why don't we all learn what I learned today?
An appropriate thing to do is to accept the invitation to the Christmas party for the Squadron.
It isn't appropriate to not buy a gift until the last minute.
It is appropriate to buy a gag gift because the invitation clearly stated it was acceptable.
It isn't appropriate to wrap your present in plaid wrapping paper knowing the Lieutenant Colonel has a penchant for plaid.
It is appropriate to wear a pink shirt and tie to the party because it makes everyone uncomfortable because they think they are Alpha males.
It isn't appropriate to have your gag gift wrapped while wearing massive quantities of pink.
It is appropriate to place your gag gift on the gift table for anyone to choose during the gift exchange.
It isn't appropriate to sell your soul to the devil and make the Lieutenant Colonel pick your gift from the 50 gifts there.
It is appropriate to finish your drink to keep from laughing your balls off as he says he wants what is wrapped, not what anyone else has picked.
It isn't appropriate to laugh your ass off and fall out of your chair as the Lieutenant Colonel unwraps a pack of condoms, KY brand jelly and a wide screen DVD of Brokeback Mountain, thinking that is the best shit on the history of the planet.
It is appropriate to look around in wonderment and ponder why you happen to be the only one with a sense of humor in the fucking Army at that exact moment in time.
Watch this shit or we will no longer be friends.
posted by Yossarian at 10:40 AM
4 Comments:
it is for reasons like this, plus counteless others, that you rule like a motherfucker.
the only episode of SNL that has been even remotely funny all year. I like the instructions part.
Please tell me the gifts were anonymous. Otherwise... it's a christmas dishonorable discharge!
That would fucking rule.
Not as much as you getting stationed in korea, though.
THESSALONIKI, Greece - Rival groups of monks wielding crowbars and sledgehammers clashed Wednesday over control of a 1,000-year-old monastery in a community regarded as the cradle of Orthodox Christianity, police said.
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Seven monks were injured and transported by boat to receive treatment. They were released after several hours, police said. No one was arrested but three monks were banned from re-entering the Orthodox sanctuary of Mount Athos, located on a self-governing peninsula in northern Greece.
Esphigmenou monastery is the scene of a long-running dispute between Orthodox Church authorities and rebel monks who occupy the facility. Both Ecumenical Patriarch Bartholomew I, leader of the Orthodox Christian church, and Greece's highest administrative court have ordered their eviction, but the monks have refused to budge.
The rebel monks vehemently oppose efforts to improve relations between the Orthodox Church and the Vatican.
The fighting Wednesday broke out between the rebel monks and a group of legally recognized monks who were outside. The outsiders attempted to force their way into the monastery's offices in Karyes, the administrative center of the monastic community, to begin construction of a new building.
Occupying monks attacked those outside with crowbars and fire extinguishers.
Esphigmenou's rebel abbot, Methodius, said his monks had been provoked.
"We were attacked and had to respond," he said. "They should be ashamed to call themselves men of the cloth."
In October, a court in the nearby city of Thessaloniki handed down two-year suspended sentences against nine monks and former monastery members for illegally occupying Esphigmenou's offices. Supplies to the rebel monastery are brought in by supporters using dinghies from the nearby island of Thassos.
Esphigmenou is one of 20 monasteries on Athos, where women are banned.
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