We Could Build A Fire

Right. Fucking deceitful evil fucks. The lot of you. I didn't bother to count, but I imagine there are at least 13 people there, put them in any order you wish and it will finish the list. How do we tolerate this? I don't know. I say we. I fell for it to. I joined them because of an immediate promised monetary gain, a promise never fulfilled, but I sold them my beliefs and soul anyway. Bottom line is the only people who want to be here are commanders, and they only want to be here because they want to say they commanded in combat.
Whatever. En sha la.
15 months is a prison sentence.
I remember when I really liked my job. 2 years ago I loved it. Gradually, it wore me down, I'm not the biggest conformist and the military doesn't like that. I have, or I should say had, a personality, and the Army hates that. I overlooked a lot of things because I wanted them to be right. But mostly I wanted my student loans payed off. I remember taking some drone oath to bray it up with the sheep and to defend our constitution. I shouldn't complain. I got to see Rome. I got ripped in Paris. I ran. I met some good people.
I used to watch the History channel in amazement scoffing at the Nazi soldiers who fought despite claiming they didn't believe a word Hitler said or in the Nazi cause. And yet they fought. I scoffed. Weak pathetic fucks I thought of them. God will punish the weak I was sure. I now understand. I am a weak pathetic fuck, and I hope God shows mercy.
There is a girl I've known forever. Inside. I miss her. I miss the man I am when I am with her. I really just miss her. Everything about her. I hope to return to her one day. In the 15 month eternity. Or 6 months according to those asshats. She isn't the only one I miss. But she is the only one I think of as much. I hope everyone will be there when I get back. I hope everyone forgives me. I hope when my time is done in the Army I can live a long life with all of them.