Where Are Warren G And Nate Dog These Days

Right. My goddamn IPOD is a piece of shit. I hate that fucking thing. I have to reset the bastard every other day and that process never works the first 5 million times. I am always flipping the goddamn switch and trying to hold down the menu button and the white circle and it is this long process which I would prefer never to do. I'm not sure I hate you more than say, space aliens, but I hate you right fucking now and that lands you number at 19 on my list of top 50 people I hate. I know an IPOD isn't a person. Just forget it.
It is going to be a long 15 months with these people.
I had to get a bunch of shots the other day. Dumb ass Army. I fucking hate the Army. I had to get a small pox shot, an anthrax shot, my 4 billionth TB shot and a few others that I don't remember the alleged purpose for.
Since I am a HUGE fan of conspiracy radio, and I believe the shit that spews forth from my radio speakers when I listen to conspiracy radio like it was Jesus speaking to be over the AM waves, I think these shots might either, A - cause me to turn into a superior being and savior of mankind, or B - kill me.
I went to the doctor because my fucking jaw hurts so badly and you know what the fucker gave me? Drugs. GOD FUCKING BLESS DRUGS. Percoset. Vicodin. Valium. I'm fucked up. My favorite thing to do while being fucked up is to go onto you tube and watch videos of the Illuminati, or backwards messages in songs, reverse speech and unidentified flying objects. I love doing this because it frightens me to the point where I lock myself into my room and do push ups until I pass out so I can fight the Illuminati and the aliens and Satan and everything else that terrifies me when I am hopped up on goofballs. I am a weird dude when I am fucked up. As opposed to the normal grown man I am while sober.
They tell you not to mix drugs with alcohol. They tell you this for a reason. Becaues when you wash down your pain killers with Budweiser, then you start to see how the man (and by man I mean the Illuminati) runs all aspects of our lives. No wait. The alcohol and drugs had nothing to do with that. You tube did. I don't know why they tell you not to mix them shits. It's the proverbial bomb.
I decided that the next girl I fuck, while we are hitting skins, I will call her Nancy. If she calls me Sid. I will know she might be the one. Then after the origami sex death match, if in post coital glow I slap her and then say, "I'm sorry Tina." If she says, "It's okay Ike," I will marry that broad.
Did I tell you who is my myspace friend? Billy Idol. You know who is not my friend on myspace? XTX. Because she hates me.
I had a dream last night that I was having nightmares. I wasn't having any nightmares, I was dreaming that I was waking up all scared and shit. It's actually pretty funny. Who dreams that? I do.
I am also dreaming a lot lately that all my teeth fall out. I don't know what that means.
I was shucking and jiving with this girl on the phone the other day. She had the sexiest voice ever. I like it when a woman has a raspy voice. Like that broad from that shitty movie about a surfer gang whom rob banks. She was also tank girl. Anyway, this girl sounded like her. As we were shucking and jiving, I got to thinking about how weird I am and how I am attracted to weird things in women. I was thinking of that all day until I drove into town after work to go get some pasta. I saw this girl from behind and fell half in love. I saw her from behind and she was amazing. Since I was still thinking about how I am attracted to weird things in women I thought, "See. Again. Why am I infatuated with girls built like 12 year old boys?" Then as I got closer to this woman she turned around and faced me and she was in fact a 12 year old boy. That does not make me gay. The moral of the story is that girls built like 12 year old boys are hot. 12 year old boys built like 12 year old boys should not have long hair.