Up In The Canyon
Right. Due to 15 month deployments, in one year I will be preparing to leave here, and then as quickly as is allowed I will be leaving the Army. This is of course all dependant upon various results of various decisions decided by those who decide. This is also dependant upon the various possible ends of various possible means of which none are allowed to be discussed, written about or thought of.
A lot of people, including most I work with, ask me why I joined the Army. I have always, and still do, take great exception to this question. I joined because I felt a civic duty. A civic duty to an establishment that is now quite clearly no longer concerning itself with its constituents.
I know what these people are really asking, or more accurately, implying. "Yoss, you question and think. You laugh. You are laid back. You have not only a personality, but an intrinsic 'light' that makes you above this, even though you do not see it that way." These traits are not only frowned upon in the Army, especially among the Officer ranks, but are almost forbidden. I still take offense, because aren't these traits of the ilk you would want in the Army? Only if the Army that serves the Government serves the people.
I do not know the reasons for many things. I do not know what makes an airplane stay in the air. I do not know what keeps electricity in the socket. I do not know how to fix anything on a car. I do not know why Princess Diana died. I do know that the government of which I once felt embodied ideals that stood for something right and good outside of myself no longer believes these ideals to be practical.
And yet still, I serve and try my best. It is my job, not who I am. That's what I keep telling myself anyway. Some part inside clings to hope that I am now wrong and was right. Some part inside grasps to a belief that people can and will make a difference.
This isn't about me being here. Me being here only set the conditions for the manifestation of these thoughts.
This isn't about me being lied to. Me being lied to only changed the rules by which the game is played.
This isn't about the war being right or wrong. Reasons for it have changed, reasons to continue it have evolved and reasons to abandon it are not taken seriously.
This isn't about me wanting to leave. Were I anywhere else, rather than here, the future is still happening, with or without me.
This is about 12 months from now I will try to place the time I have spent in the Army in the rear view mirror. I only hope there is enough road to make it disappear.
A lot of people, including most I work with, ask me why I joined the Army. I have always, and still do, take great exception to this question. I joined because I felt a civic duty. A civic duty to an establishment that is now quite clearly no longer concerning itself with its constituents.
I know what these people are really asking, or more accurately, implying. "Yoss, you question and think. You laugh. You are laid back. You have not only a personality, but an intrinsic 'light' that makes you above this, even though you do not see it that way." These traits are not only frowned upon in the Army, especially among the Officer ranks, but are almost forbidden. I still take offense, because aren't these traits of the ilk you would want in the Army? Only if the Army that serves the Government serves the people.
I do not know the reasons for many things. I do not know what makes an airplane stay in the air. I do not know what keeps electricity in the socket. I do not know how to fix anything on a car. I do not know why Princess Diana died. I do know that the government of which I once felt embodied ideals that stood for something right and good outside of myself no longer believes these ideals to be practical.
And yet still, I serve and try my best. It is my job, not who I am. That's what I keep telling myself anyway. Some part inside clings to hope that I am now wrong and was right. Some part inside grasps to a belief that people can and will make a difference.
This isn't about me being here. Me being here only set the conditions for the manifestation of these thoughts.
This isn't about me being lied to. Me being lied to only changed the rules by which the game is played.
This isn't about the war being right or wrong. Reasons for it have changed, reasons to continue it have evolved and reasons to abandon it are not taken seriously.
This isn't about me wanting to leave. Were I anywhere else, rather than here, the future is still happening, with or without me.
This is about 12 months from now I will try to place the time I have spent in the Army in the rear view mirror. I only hope there is enough road to make it disappear.
Labels: the greatest shit ever
posted by Yossarian at 1:14 AM
4 Comments:
you've already made a difference.
I do not know how to work with decimals and fractions.
I do not know how anyone can NOT like the Old 97's.
I do not understand why we can't legalize marijuana.
This isn't about me thinking you are the best thing since Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.
This is about me hoping you get as much road as it takes for it all to get microscopically small enough, and the fastest car to make it get it that way in the fastest way possible.
Art Bell was on last night. It was Halloween. How apropos.
They were taking ghost story calls.
It was like fucking mocking me big time.
Like, everyone in the world can see a fucking ghost except me.
So unfair...
Whenever I hear of anything Army, I always think of you. I wonder what you would say. If you would agree. Or if you would have the reality ready to roll like a grater. A grater where you up one way and its all smooth flowing but before you know it, theres no where else to go but down and suddenly you find yourself ripped to pieces.
Yep - I say to myself "I bet our Yoss has some stories to tell that aren't exactly the stories we're programmed to hear".
Yoss - you are the only one I know over there, doing what you're doing, seeing what you're seeing.
And until I hear it from you, I refuse to believe it...
"And until I hear it from you, I refuse to believe it..."
And we havent heard anything from you for a long time now...
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