15 May 2008

Brohymn

Right. His name was actually Sean. He was a decent guy. He had his quirks, but we all do. He bothered people, but it was always very endearing. He annoyed people on purpose, and made them laugh at the same time. Sean was a funny man, but that is not all Sean was.
Sean was a brother, son, uncle and above all else, Sean was a friend. One thing I think all who knew him would agree upon is that Sean always had someone else's happiness in mind. He would have done anything he could for anyone.
What very few people know is that Sean loved. He saw deep meaning and love in most things. Despite this, he still complained a lot. But in his heart, his complaints were out of love. He loved each and every person in his life, and he loved as deeply and as passionately as any being ever has.
It was because of this love that Sean is no longer with us. It wasn't any bombs or bullets or a foreign country. It was love.
You must understand something about him - he never let anyone know of this love. He never told anyone, he never asked for it back and he never let anyone close enough to him for them to even know what was inside of him. Because of this, Sean protected himself from being hurt and was still able to love without fear.
In recent months, Sean let go this fear he has carried and let someone close enough to hurt him. He confided in me that he was confident in this because he had never prayed for anything for himself in his life. When he prayed, it was for other people's needs. He recently prayed for himself for the first time and was positive that whichever deity grants prayers would take note that he actually wanted something for himself and would grant his request. Without fear, condition, hesitation or reservation, Sean opened himself up to allow himself being loved.
This was how Sean died.
The demons exorcised to allow him to be able to accomplish this feat were all creatures of his own invention. To no one's surprise except for his own. The demons were vanquished, and in their place a light filled exposing himself to himself for the first time in his life. This light was then shown to another, and it was appreciated and wanted.
Without warning, the person Sean had shared himself with, left. The light was simply not warm nor bright enough. While this may seem codependent, Sean chose to never allow this to happen again.
Sean turned the light out himself and invented new skeletons in his closet to haunt him. Fearsome ghosts he has an understanding with. They will never allow the light to return and he will succumb to every base desire they wish. He made a conscious decision to never again allow himself to be loved. He can still love in secret, but he will never place another in front of the monsters he exists with.
This is how Sean lives.

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7 Comments:

Blogger xTx said...

i'm sorry for sean. i understand his pain/death, but hope he will be able to rise from the ashes, phoenix-style, when the perfect girl finds him and promises not to kill him.

don't stay dead please

15/5/08 15:01  
Blogger the Constantly Dramatic One said...

Is Sean...you Yoss?.........

16/5/08 01:37  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Without warning, the person Sean had shared himself with, left."

I know exactly what this feels like. and it's worse than any other feeling that has ever existed.

17/5/08 12:48  
Blogger Grampa said...

Oh man, I've felt this. And I've done that. And I didn't let anyone in for so, so very long.

And I turned to all of the base desires, as well, my friend. It took me more than ten years to get out of that mess. I lost a lot of friends and a lot of myself there, too.

I hope you're well.

18/5/08 23:33  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

When you love someone on the inside...Truly on the inside of your soul... and they crush you, I highly recommend crying for a few weeks straight and then puking your guts out for like 2 months straight. Chin up....you'll feel better than you think after a little while.

20/5/08 09:40  
Blogger Blush said...

one day i would like to meet this...sean...

23/5/08 11:15  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sean doesn't have to die... You know, everything happens for a reason, who am I or you to say we know why things happen? We let life continue in the hopes we will figure it out eventually and that light will surround us daily. In the meantime, we breathe in the darkness.

30/9/08 12:01  

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