Men Have A "Y" Chromosome

Right. Here I am. Rock you like a hurricane. I am government property. That's weird to say. But I've said weirder. Did anyone notice during the last debate when W. quoted Kool Keith? He said, "Exaggerations," in a manner that is reminiscent of my man when he said, "And I seen...Exaggerations." It was awesome.
Did I ever tell you about the time I was on the T in Boston and Claire Danes was on the train? Well she was on the same train as I once. I got a modest tan from her radiating hotness. It was funny because all the dudes on the train were all jocking for position to see her and try to get her attention. I found it amusing. I mean I'm a realist. Even if I had jocked successfully and had prime position, I'm harvesting no interest. No. Nothing. You know who I am? I'll tell you who I am. I'm the guy who is friends with your boyfriend and you sit around at bars saying, "I don't understand why you don't have a girlfriend." That's who I am. And you want to know something? I don't like hearing it. I don't have an answer. How the fuck should I know? Maybe it's because women think with this weird XX logic and have a penchant to be attracted to douche bags. That might have something to do with it. But I won't tell you that. I'll say something witty. Then what I'll do is, I'll change the subject to something, usually self-deprecating, and get a nice laugh.
While I am on the subject I'd like to say something. I'd like to say that when we die and go to heaven it must be hard to keep track of everyone's names. Like, it'll be confusing if you want my attention and yell, "Hey Rasputin." Because all the other Rasputin's will think you are talking to them. Rasputin isn't my name, but you get the picture. So I'll bet we get nicknames. I hope my nickname is "Woman Repellant." That would be sweet. Because then when guys like Burt Reynolds or Steve Guttenberg are tired of all the women hanging around and want some completely hetero male bonding, they'll just call me.