Your Whole Crew Is Ice Cream

Right. Here I am. Look at me. Pay attention to me. My life is hermetically sealed from human interaction. I've been feeling weird lately. Not all the time, just at night. As a child I would feel so small, yet huge. I haven't felt that way in a very time. I lie in my bed and can feel how large the world is. It is a humbling experience. I don't like feeling that way. It's like I can feel how far away everything is. I should be happy. I am in my bed with my 13 pillows and all cozy under my quilts. But it hits me; I am so small and ultimately alone in the cosmos. It sucks. I mean I used to feel that way and become so sad that I would feel like crying. But the past two weeks it comes and I don't know how to feel. I actually feel a little nostalgic. As a child I would go over to the window and look out upon the ground, watching the grass blows or the leaves rustle. Now I stay in bed and try to conjure up the feelings I had as a child. I can hardly remember those feelings or thoughts. I think maybe that is for the best. I haven't let down too many people in my life with my actions. But when I do it really bothers me. So I usually end up sitting there praying that I am not letting down that six-year old kid I was once.