Supergalactic Lover

Right. I am excited about the upcoming year. I can't wait to see how I can fuck this one up. This year will bring some serious shit and decisions that have to be made. Decisions I'm never very good at. Decisions like, "What am I going to do next?" I was faced with that decision a few years ago after college and opted for grad school. A noble endeavor which provided me with the most expensive piece of paper occupying space on a wall in the house my mother owns.
After grad school I was faced with another decision and picked door number three and wound up in the Army. I should have joined the Air Force. Them fuckers don't do shit. I'm good at not doing shit. I'm good at Army shit too, but it's not comfortable sleeping in the rain. Also, the Army is kind of stupid. My unit runs shit like a bunch of prats and it causes more stress than it has to.
This year my paperwork will be in hand and ready to be dropped off. Leave will be accounted for and in about 14 or 15 months, Yossarian could be on his way home. That is the decision. Ought I continue, do 20 years and collect the retirement check for a Colonel? Or ought I leave the Army? Fuck beans decisions.
If I choose to leave then I have more decisions to make. Namely, what the fuck else am I going to do with my life. I'm not very attractive, so finding a rich girl, while my ultimate goal, is highly unlikely. I would need a job. I don't even know how to go about finding a job. I never had to. My first job a friend hooked me up with. Then college and whatever I was doing for work was all bullshit. Then I joined the Army and that wasn't exactly a hard application process. "Hey I want to be an officer." "You got college?" "Yeah something like that." And here I am.
Other than making people laugh and drinking as if it were my job, I have no marketable skills. I'm not sure where to market my drinking prowess either. And I’m not a big fan of standing in front of people so making people laugh is right out. I really have no clue what to do or how to go about doing it. So I guess that would leave a rational man in the Army.
There is the proverbial rub. I've never been accused of being rational. I once tried to send a teacher to the office in high school for disciplinary action. I can drink a long island ice tea in 4 seconds. I dated a crank victim twice...the same fucking one. I bought a fake Rolex that doesn't work.
Maybe I should try to do what I've always wanted to do with my life. But I don't know what that is. I once heard someone pose the question: What happens to the man who tries to achieve his boyhood dream? What happens to the boy if that man fails? I don't have the answer because I can't remember what my boyhood dream is. I think it involved Supermodel Nikki Taylor, but I can't be certain.
Let's play the game and say I decide to leave and go get a job. I need to earn more than what I will be making when I leave. That only makes sense. But I don't really have anything to offer so I can't see why anyone would pay me.
I also have no clue where my résumé is so I would have to start fresh and that seems stupid considering the only thing I've done is go to school and learn how to kill people. I wish the world actually had assassins. I'd do that job.
If I stay in the Army where is that going to get me? When my contract is up I won't have seen my friends or family in two years 238 days plus the plane ride home. I'd like to get to know my folks before they die. I have a nephew I wouldn’t mind meeting. But I would get to do some super secret spy type shit once I was branch qualified. That is kind of hot. I think the job gets a whole lot more fun and interesting once all the fields open up.
I think at the end of the day, I miss normality. I miss freedom of movement and doing what I want. The desire to have time to go out and meet girls will bring me back home. I'd like to not work a 70 hour work week and then the work the weekends. That would be nice. But what is I am one of those crazy cats you see on TV who are workaholics? What if I am destined to just work and work and be miserable because of it. I'd bet there's a whole lot more money to be made outside of the Army if I am. But then again I can yell cocksucker at my job and no one gets offended. That's nice.
I will also turn 29 this year. Fuck. I couldn't have wasted the first 30 years of my life with any more brilliance if I tried.