Everything In My Mind

Right. Why do I do this? What satisfaction do you derive here? How long can I manage doing this? Who will help me when I need it most? When will things make sense again? Where did I go wrong?
I need your help. It is for an occurrence I need to occur. Post haste. You know what it is. I shall not mention it here. Forces monitor mediums of mediating reality. Forces even more powerful control the possibility of the happenings. If you look in your heart, you will know what I need. Please help. I never said I was unhappy. It is more written across my face. It's in the color of my spit. It's in the violence of action when I shower in water drawn straight from a shallow river. When you see me again, is up to you. When you see me again will be for the first time. When I see you again I will know who once was and where he went wrong. That will be written on your face. It will be in the mixture of your drink. It will be in the grip of your handshake. This is why I need help. I need it from all of you. I need it from all of them. I need it from myself. Fucking send it.
No matter. Don't sweat it. I'm being polite. I need everything. I am no longer self sustaining. But I need this most.
Pretend I am a starving kid in Burma. Or a hooker down the hall. I need the help. So give it to me.
On a Saturday in late Septemer, I will look over at you and smile. You won't really know why, and you'll tell me I need to eat and stop drinking. I'll stop smiling, loosen my tie, press my glass against my forehead, close my eyes and pray. You will not think of it again. I will carry that afternoon with me forever. The day I realized why I desired to come back. I thank you in advance. I'll be too drunk to do it when I'm there.
On a Thursday in mid July, I will wonder where you are. I will walk a street I'e driven a million times before and not know where to go. You will be sick of my pressence. You will stay away to dine peacefully with a girl you hate. This moment I will forget as I drink myself to remember memories forgotten. I will never bring the deamons back after that night. You will never thank me. I will always hold it agains you.