My Nostradamus Book Scares The Shit Out Of Me

Right. I like Elvis. Sue me. I always have. I don't know what to tell you. I just like he guy. I feel he got a bum deal. I mean, he, in a way, created something that consequently created amazing things. But it also created Limp Biscuit. So maybe he was a douche. No. He was cool. I also feel bad because people only want to laugh and say "Fat or skinny Elvis." As if there were two. I mean, I think he was only fat for like a week and then he died. If you were to live your whole life and only be fat the last week of your life, good on you. People would probably say, "Ronald was a slim dude." But fucking Elvis eats it and everyone is all, "Elvis was fat." Sod off.
Why am I talking about Elvis?
I could turn this blog into a work blog. I could tell you all about the adventures I have at work. But really there are none. There are days in the Army I love. Days I think to myself, "Wow. I am so fucking happy I did this." Then there are days when I think, "I wish one of these weapons would misfire and blow my brains out my fucking head." I like it when a soldier will come to me with a problem and I can solve it. Help them out. Give them advice. I like that shit. But then there are days when all thinking, problem solving, reasoning and the need for a brain is gone because everything must be done "this" way. I hate that shit. I got it. I am a grown ass man. There are a million ways to fuck a hooker. If I choose to do it one way, that should be fine. The end product was the same, and I got to put thought into it. But no. I always end up redoing whatever I just did because I didn't do it the way some clown says I should have. If all you want is a trained dog, then hire a moron and he can follow the manual. I like to figure it out and accomplish it my own way.
I am about to switch jobs. That sucks. I like being a platoon leader. I like to work with soldiers and help them out and build teams. That is fun. I am going to staff. I will do my 11 more months and leave the Army. Barring we don't invade Iran or provoke them to come into Iraq and fight us there. I sometimes think the world is about to end and instead of doing what I want to do, I am doing what someone else said I have to do and I won't enjoy the last few years we all have left alive.
Someone want to tell me why the fuck Anna Nicole Smith is news worthy? I'll bet a thousand big tittied women die every 24 hours. No big deal. Some other chud will get some surgery and I will jerk off to her. It's the circle of the spank bank material.
I am reading a book called, "Gates of Fire," and it is the fucking jet. I am going to see where Mozart was born this weekend. I had a big ass zit on my shoulder I just popped. Things are on the Proverbial upswing.
When I see her again I will tell her that I thought of her more than I desired while I was gone. But it'll probably be at a welcome back party and I'll be drunk. Then I'd say something about how I've been half in love with her since I met her. Then I'd say she shouldn't think of me as a creep, because I know she has a boyfriend and I've pretty much always felt this way and never acted creepy and that I am happy she is dating Ted or Nick or what's his nuts over there because I could never make her that happy. Then I'd tell her to forget it and that I shouldn't have brought it up and that I am drunk and that I hope it doesn't mean we can't hang out because I am dumb and she is not. Then she'll probably want to talk more about it and clarify that I am a moron. I'll be fine with that.
Then she'd ask why I don't want to talk about it anymore and I'd tell her because I don't feel like getting rejected at my welcome back party. I also don't feel like having her accept my unwanted advances because it is my welcome back party either. More, I'd like to earn one thing in my life on my own merit, and I can't think of anything else I'd rather earn than a glimmer of her affection. Because her attitude towards me I would want pure and honest because she is the only woman that, when I am around, I am not hoping we get drunk enough to make some bad decisions. I just feel better about myself when she is around. And her feeling for me needs to be true and from the heart. Be it love or hate in order for me to feel that way.
Then it might get awkward. So I'll pretend I swallowed a bug and go get another drink and act like the whole conversation happened during a blackout and I don't remember what I said.
Then I'll sing some karaoke, maybe some Billy Idol or Poison or Biz Markie and wash my hands of her because that is clearly the wrong way to approach her. I should have stayed in Darfur.