Here Comes The Question

Right. I hate, with most of my heart, Eli Manning. He is a bitch. You know it, I know it and the American people know it. He was drafted 1 overall, and threw a hissy fit about it. What a cunt.

Dear Yoss,

I am thinking of getting married. Or rather I was wondering your advice on marriage. Maybe I just want to get this blog back to where you wrote and people read and all was well in the world. So, should I get married?

Your Friendly Neighborhood Cocaine

(As paraphrased by Yossarian)

Cocaine,

I say this to you. I don't know, get married. If it was good enough advice for Tyler Durden's dad to say, it's good enough for me.
Getting married has advantages. Like non-stop poontang and crazy three way action with her hot friends.
But holy matrimony also has disadvantages. Like not being able to drink with your friends every night, especially when one returns from war.
It's really 5/6 pick 'em.
Let me tell you, this past weekend I went into a little place known to the world as the Czech Republic. But it is known to me as the land of the tang. Poontang. Seriously. Every woman there is hot and flirtatious. It is nice.
So I meet this girl Saturday. First we decided to get real drunk. I was rolling with gin and tonics, because Europe hasn't heard of a 7and7. She decided to drink whiskey sours and the way she tossed them back would have given me a heart attack, but as it is I let her drive my car. All good decisions so far. Then we decide to bone. Superb.
Then the girl is all weird and demonic and refuses to let me wear a condom. Now, a rational man would exit stage right, but there hasn't been a man who has accused me of being rational and lived.
So we hit skins. And it was nice. Like 3 times. That's how I roll. But the best part is, when I was sneaking out of her house in the morning, I decided to put the picture we took together up on myspace. Which is admirable.
So I think it's clear I am marriage material. Moreover, I think it's clear that I am going to marry this crazy broad.
I also bought a suit this weekend. But that is neither here nor there.
Wait.
You can get married as long as:
1 - I am invited.
2 - The reception has an open bar.
3 - Your wife has a lot of single hot friends who are at the wedding.
4 - Instead of a band or a DJ we roll karaoke style and your first dance is to me singing Billy Idol.
5 - Things like the PTA, date night, your wife, kids and anything else stupid does not interfere with hockey season.
There you have it my friend. I expect to see my invitation soon.

Yossarian