Some of My Friends Sell Records

Right. It is day 70 something. OCS. Thirty something more days to go. Christ. You haven't slept in three days. You get to the point where you're not even tired anymore. You just react, you never think. The miniature mudslide from the four days of constant rain has soaked through your sleeping bag. You lie down and every time you breathe you feel it squishing around you. It's raining again. You wet weather gear is useless. Fuck it. Get up and go on watch, you might as well. You can't sleep.
Your night vision goggles are great. Batteries low, better change them. You wish Kay, Sam, Billy or Ruck were up. But you let them sleep. They have no problem sleeping after this past week. You stop to think about yourself. Why are you friends with these people? You shared some hardship. Bonded. Good guys. Fun. Anyone you can look at and laugh with because you know what each other are thinking is great. These guys are the best.
What about your old friends? Your family? It has been so long since you had contact with them. Do you even know them anymore? Do they know you? You fear that the relationship you once had with them will be like that of an ex-girlfriend. You still love her, but you just love the person she was, time has changed her but you still see her as the girl from a few years ago. You’d do anything for it not to turn out that way. It's only been six months. You feel like it's been six years. You have changed. You know you have but you can't tell how.
The rain stopped. The stars are beautiful in the pale green light from you night vision goggles. You never seen so many, even though you used to track the constellations and planets. Amazing.
You will see your family in a couple weeks. In a couple weeks this will all be ending. It's raining again, hard, better get in your foxhole. Will it ever stop raining? No. You miss your friends and family. As much as you love these guys, you love your people. You pray this hasn't changed you in a manner that they will no longer like you. You miss that life. When your time is up in the Army you vow to get back to it.
You just got done walking 12 miles with a 50 pound rucksack, which weighed about 70 because of the rain, and your weapons. You opted to carry the 240 B because you wanted the extra challenge. It weighs 27 instead of eight pounds like your M16. You were dog-tired, but you could have done another 12 if they said to. That's the big difference in you.
Do your new friends like you? Yes. Would they if you hadn't gone through all this with them? No. Would they like you if you were just a guy on the street, being polite and you had no problem with homosexuals? Maybe. Would you have liked them? You don't know. You know the answer but it is too painful to admit. How can you love people you would have never talked to 7 months ago?
You suddenly feel alone. Things will be different with the old crew. The new crew is breaking up to go to OBC. You are cold, lonely and tired. Miserable. You laugh breaking the noise discipline. Because you remember your old life and how sometimes it was cold and lonely too.