Wild Kingdom Mutual of Northern Cal

When Alexander saw the breadth of his domain, he wept for there were no more worlds to conquer. When Rikki Lake looks upon the breadth of herself, she weeps for there was so much to eat. Anyway, that is Jason sans his beloved Argonauts.
I want to do a lot with my life. Wait, no I don't. I want to sham my way into a shit-ton of money and sit around all day only to leave in the event I need to buy clothes or watch hockey or something. I have to be the laziest person in the history of the world. Yet I keep doing shit that most lazy people wouldn't. I'll let you in on a little secret of mine, I pray that all this shit I keep doing will enable me to live the life of lazy, sloth-like gluttony I feel I so deserve.
My brother, Tron, has yet to start making babies. What a jackass.
Have you ever felt so shitty you can't even remember why you feel this way? For no reason at all you just feel like a shell that one of those crustaceans has just left in order to find a bigger shell to live in as it grows. I feel like that most of the time. I usually don't feel like that when I am shucking and jiving and people are laughing at my jokes. But soon, the jokes end and then the laughter fades away. I have felt this way for as long as I care to remember.
I have this desire deep inside my gullet to sleep. I just don't have the time. Have you ever been so tired for so long that you just can't sleep? Because you know even if you had 3 years to do nothing but sleep it just wouldn't be long enough. I feel that way now. All I want to do is wake up when something important is about to happen in my life.