Use Less

Right. People come up to me all the time and ask, "What's up." My response is usually, "I'm just trying to keep the chains moving." That pretty much sums it up. Life is a grind and not in the uber-sex, MTV, attractive Brazilian rubbing on your shit sense of the word. No just the regular grind. Not like the sandwich either, unless you work in a deli.
I have it all broken down into a simple mathematical formula for you to ponder. Cannibalism times Apocalypse Squared minus Guilt divided by People equals Hot Dog Junction. When you understand that you will understand that time is meaningless. The only measurable aspect of time is this current moment. In this current moment we will continue to try until we get it right. When that is realized, you will know that it is all electric.
That is a lot to grasp, but I am sure you aren't having any problems.
I was going to describe my weekend, as it was a four-day and I had all of these plans on how to spend it. I am off tomorrow, so I still have one more night, Phil Collins style. But I just can't express it, because it's lost on you and in the translation and everywhere from here to Couldabeenville. I didn't take the damn class. Allow me to enlighten. There are very proud moments in life. For instance, if you were to go to a club and you were to go about your business and some fine young woman walks over and introduces herself to you. This and that and yadda and the blah. Next thing you know you are brushing her pubic hair out of your teeth and your cell phone is ringing and you say, "That's how I roll." See pride.
Then there are other times. When your big plan for the long weekend is to hang out in your feety pajamas, eating soup and cereal and playing Shadow Hearts 3. People ask why and you say, "That's how I roll." Not so much pride. It's the same sentence with the same meaning but completely different volume and pride levels. One would read, "That's how I roll." The other would read, "That's how i roll." See the difference? Guess which one was my weekend.
I would like to push the limits of negative space until you realize that squirrels are responsible for 70% of all deaths. I don't know what any of this means.
It looks like my advice column is dead. That was the last of the emails I received. Thus, Yossarian gives advice no more.