Zoo Of Ages
Right. What if I take this whole bottle of aspirin? I've got issues man. I'm like a newsstand. I'm like the guy at the airport with more luggage than is allowed. I have a lot of baggage. What if I told you SERE started next week and thus I would be gone for three weeks? I'll get beat up man. I'll be starved and I will live in a coffin. That coffin will be filled with my own shit and piss and the piss of others. Because they stack the coffins you see. The coffins aren't made real well, so they leak.
What if I told you I was a jerk? I got no time for your shit man. I am in it only for me. I am a hard and ruthless bastard. I don't care for you or your views.
What if I told you that one day, the rapists of the innocent with unveil? I got the scoop man. People who believe in the illuminati, conspiracies, secrets of the ages and suppression of "facts," I have little to talk about with. Likewise, if you don't believe that Elf's are trying to find the hidden crystal in the tunnels beneath a certain mountain in order to power their time machines so that they can travel back and steal the gold and Spanish dubloons you have hidden in your sock drawer to buy the White House so that the mongoose can be legalized in the United States, well, I have little to talk to you about also.
I want a girl with eyes as green as the ocean and hair as red as the fires of hell. I want a girl with an ass that bounces off me and legs that squeeze me. I want a girl with teeth as white as the whites of her eyes and fingernails that scratch only me. I want a girl who knows how to throw a punch and balance our finances. I want a girl who drinks Guinness with me and will run with me while we are hung over. I want a girl to make me bleed and then take my mom out for tea. I want a girl who will paint the walls with me and make me learn ballroom dancing. I want a girl with a job and it would be a bonus if she didn't fuck her coworkers and/or clients. I want a girl who only desires me but masturbates to Detective Sippowitz. I want a girl who buys me a dog and trains it herself so I can enjoy some "me" time. I would settle for an Aquafina though.
posted by Yossarian at 8:25 PM
11 Comments:
Dan Brown may be an entertaining author. But he's a lousy theologian.
People seem to forget that his books are located in the fiction section of the bookstore.
the guy who started slave revolts?
my bad. that was john brown. who is dan brown?
don't go to sere.
come stay in my backyard and i will give you aquafina and other things
i know a girl whose hair should be red, has hazel green eyes, could throw a punch, runs five miles a day in sub zero weather outside at 0500, is an incredible surgeon, can drink like a man (she irish), and weighs 110 pounds and is nice. nice and married. sorry yoss. her husband is a vet though so she could probably buy you a dog.
da vinci code.
who are you jaromir blagr. if that is your real name....all hockey players have real injuries and ridiculous strength. and they dont go looking like they should be on a box of fish sticks.
You're like blog herpes. Your ass never goes away.
BTW, did any of you notice that Savanna Samson, porn star extraordinaire, has a prize-winning vineyard or some shit?
Awesome.
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