29 June 2006

My Thumping Drums Come Through

Right. It's all about perpetual learning about oneself. Take some fucking notes here people. For instance, today I learned that I can eat 50,000 chocolate chip cookies from Subway in one sitting. I hear you now, "You are crazy Yossarian." Well my response is fuck you. I know my body and what it is capable of doing. Now you are thinking, yeah but you'll end up in a diabetic coma, a ripped open stomach and internal bleeding. My respone is, your fucking point? Them shits is good and I can eat the shit out of them.
What brought on this quest of self awareness you ask? It seems someone was kind enough to invite yours truly to a certain 10 year high school reunion. So what I did was, I dug out the old yearbooks, or reflectors as the cadse may or may not be. But it is. This brought me to know myself in a more productive way than I usually get to know myself at night. You know, with Internet porn and a sock.
It seems I was very funny. Your honnor, I'd like to present my yearbooks as exhibit 450 Trillion B as to how girls ar liars when they say they wish to bone a funny guy.
I digress. If everything I can discern is correct, which it has to be since I am never wrong, then I was funny and told a lot of jokes. Chiefly I told a joke involving people asking me if I am a tree. Here is the real funny part: NO ONE WROTE THE DAMN PUNCHLINE!!!!! So I have no clue as to what the hell I was even joking about back then.
I am also a crazy guy. I am not sure what this means, but if those mother fuckers were qualified to assess my mental state, I will eat my hat after I kill them.
It would also seem I have sexy, cool, pretty and beautiful eyes.
I must admit, I don't remember half these people. This is funny as most people seem to have believed I would make nothing of myself, and I think they might be right.
I also wore some pretty kick ass clothes back in the day. No. I didn't. But I never realized how huge I was. I was playing ball and constantly working out and I was a beast.
I was apparently going steady with like 5 women in high school. I think this came about because every time I talked to a female I would say something to the affect of, "So. You want to go steady now like Zack Morris and Kelly Kapowski?"
I mainly learned I don't remember a damn thing about high school, I still can't speak spanish and I won't be attending my reunion. Because I think Sepheroth is putting this reunion together, and that's evil.


***Props to who ever hooked up Yossarian on Wikipedia.***

3 Comments:

Blogger Erika said...

Senorita Rosa would LOVE to see you though Yoss. Mine is next year... I'm still not sure if I'm going since I can check everyone out on myspace and see where they didn't move to and who they married from the school. losers.

30/6/06 15:30  
Blogger xTx said...

mine is in october. i dont think i want to go because i am very old

30/6/06 18:45  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Have you ever been on your sixth bowl of raisin bran cereal and had one bite that was so full of raisins that your taste buds get so excited they send a pleasure overload signal to your brain resulting in slightly painful spasmodic erections? It happened to me and it ruled.
-this fucking cracked me up

1/7/06 10:51  

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