Wood And Nails

Right. Remember when I told you like over a year ago to go listen to Miles of Wire and you ignored me? You remember that you sodding bint? Well fuck you.
I don't know where that came from.
Things I have done since last posting include running, showering, working, sleeping and running. However, I also managed to do two of the greatest things known to man. One, I crashed my Stryker. Pictures will be posted soon. Two, I found myself in the highly fun situation of boning my first Asian and this woman who looked like Jessica Simpson, at the same time, simultaneously, concurrently, en masse, all for the bargain basement price of 100 Euro. God bless women in the workplace. Not my workplace, but theirs, which is the brothel.
My shit still isn't here so I still have no pillow to sleep on. I also have a feeling half my shit will be broke and the other half will have been stolen. So I am going to need new shit. Send it to me.
So Private Asshat is going to give me a heart attack. Oh the stories about this pile of shit.
When I meet people in Germany I tell them my name is Chad McGreevy and I study Art History. They usually giggle about the art part, but I inform them that it is "history" so it is laudable. Chad McGreevy is fine with me sullying his good name. In fact, it was his idea for me to have an alias because of the women here only wanting me so that they can get off the farm. Chad McGreevy is so fucking smart.
Prague is awesome. I don't think I made that clear in my last post. Prague rules and so does fucking an Asian and a Jessica Simpson look-a-like for money. However the fucking happened in Germany, not Prague.
I miss my clothes. I miss my bed. I miss my TV. I miss my videogames. I miss all of my shit. I want it to get here now.
I drink for breakfast because I am thirsty.
I want to go to Tokyo for Christmas. However my friend Paul wants to go to Rome. I say if we are to stay in Europe then we ought to hit Athens or Paris. But he seems hell bent on Rome. So maybe Rome it is. He likes the sun and beaches and shit. I like the snow and wearing a coat and shit. Since the both of us like shit we get along well.
The Internet still isn't connected to the attic in which I am confined. This fucking sucks.
It still isn't very cold here. Stupid fucking German weather. I want to go ice skating on the pond by my house. Stupid fucking German weather.
When someone mentions that they don't understand how people named William can be called Bill, a funny and homoerotic reply is, "Yeah. I never got Dick from Richard either."
I am hungry and I am so tired of this gross assed German food. I don't want deep fried pig anymore. Never. I hate it.
In case you are unaware, my Navigation System in my car doesn't work because I can't find a European DVD coded to American DVD player standards. Alpine makes the shit for Acura and they are about as helpful as Private Asshat. Meaning they don't do shit.
The following people suck balls:
The guy wearing the King outfit for Burger King.
The bitch filling up my mailbox with High School Reunion bullshit.
My Nazi landlord.
Private Asshat.
My boss.
My troop XO.
Anyone on VH1 at anytime ever sans Jessica Simpson and JESSICA BIEL.
Anyone boning either of the afore mentioned Jessica's.
Every girl who won't sleep with me.
Every guy I have met in real life sans Unkind, Cocaine, Paul, J, Bret Favre and a scant few I've met in the Army.
Anyone who takes my money and doesn't supply an Asian and a Jessica Simpson look-a-like for the purpose of sex.
This guy I call Earl but I think his name is Skip.
The German people for not letting me wash my car because it pollutes the ground.
Me. But not in a literal way.
Bill O'Riely.
Al Franken.
Kenneth Cole for not delivering here.
The fucker Madonna adopted.
Ben Stiller.
The man.