I Was Taught

Right. If I have ever, in my life, stood or waited in a car behind you at an ATM, I truly, deeply, straight hate you. With all of my soul. You are fucking dumb. How about you check your balance one more time before you withdraw 20 bucks? How about you ask for a receipt, only to waste valuable seconds of my life by waiting for it to print, only to not even look at it as you throw it away? How about you forget your PIN a few more times? How about you scale down the amount you wish to withdraw in increments of 5 dollars until you tap your bank account? How about you just sac the fuck up and be a man at the ATM. I treat ATM visits like I am the SEALS. I am in and out in seconds. But don't fret asshole. You are only 25 on my top 50 people I hate. You are center mass. Take comfort that I aim for the head.
Bint.
There are things in this world that make me smile. Things like an unexpected email from an old friend. Things like fall coming early. Things like beers with friends. Things like an unassisted double play. Things like finding a sentence in a used book someone underlined because it meant something to them. Things like a 40 year old with a tit job forcing a 28 year old man to fuck her hard. Sadly, I haven't experienced all of these things.
Someone should kill me.
I don't care what you say, you love my blog and want to read more of it daily.
Am I the only one who misses giving advice to the masses?
When I was a boy, I had this friend Derrick who had this anorexic and really hot older sister, who once caught me jerking off and watched me for a few seconds before screaming at me. I tried finding her on myspace, but she must not have an account. She was hot.
That story sound weird when it's not put into context. However, the context would require context for the context and it's a big whoop-de-do that I would not prefer not to get into right now. Just know that as a 13 year old, a really hot 17 year old watched me jerk off for a bit before she screamed at me.
She caught me, I wasn't doing it like in her room when she was supposed to be out or something. I was in my home. Just forget it.
My favorite aphrodisiac is Gatorade and a pack of cigarettes.
My least favorite aphrodisiac is yard work.
If we could pretend you were single and I were attractive for a few hours, would you go get consider eating pears with me while we watch the winter tide come in at the pier? Because if so, we should think of hiring a black and white photographer to record it.