This World You Must Have Crossed

Right. Rosey you are the only woman in Hollywood who doesn't turn me on. That's saying a lot. You're dumb. Ugly. Loud. And all in all gross. I hate you because for some reason you make the news about you running off at the mouth instead of what you are saying.
There is this giant statue of the Blessed Virgin Mary staring down at a mile wide crater. Flood lights illuminate her sullen features at night. A few hundred years ago half of this thriving civilization fell into this hole when the people tunneled under the city. Now, everyone here lives life upside down, because everyone is dreaming about the treasures and artifacts underground.
I would jump that mile wide pit if it would get me out of here.
They hid all their restaurants a hundred years ago, after they dug up all of the town's gold, when they began digging for silver. In the hometown of evil, I will order exotic drinks. I have a lot of great stories to tell the people I drink with and amuse old friends. So what if my life sucks?
Something just occurred to me. Something far dumber men have known for centuries. That is, if you can't live well, you should die fantastically. If I were to strap plastic explosives to my spine and bathe in gasoline, then tried to jump this mile wide hole on a motorcycle, if I live or if I die, people will applaud.