I've Lost

Right. I fucking can't stand people who ride bikes. I appreciate you think you are doing the environment a favor. I can look past your stupid outfits. I can even ignore the fact that your pansy ass wears a helmet. But you shit asses think you can ride in the middle of the fucking road, making me slow down so I don't run your stupid ass over and I hate slowing down. You make me break when I should just kill you and be done with it. Ergo, you are number 27.
Germany is starting to rule. The further out of Bavaria one gets, the hotter the women become. I found a radio station that plays the dopest shit imaginable. Beer is served in the mornings. And brothels rule. The people are still lazy sods and the food is horrible. But on the whole, things are turning around.
I went to Berlin this weekend and saw some seriously dope shit. There is a museum in Berlin that puts the everything I've seen to shame. Complete statues of every Greek God. Seriously some of the best antiquity shit around. I got my picture taken with Apollo.
I plan on stealing all the cool shit soon.
I went bungee jumping for the first time. That is some fun shit. They wrap that shit around your ankles and raise this bastard crane to 300 feet and tell you to jump. Yeah fucking right. I ain't doing that. But then the dude says, "3, 2, 1." And I don't like looking like a bitch so I jump. Swan dive. Sit up and go straight up. Holy Christ that was fun.
I saw the Wall and checkpoint charlie and some other history type shizzle. Berlin is cool.
I went to the holocaust museum. Sad.
I went to a concentration camp. Even sadder.
Fucking Nazis.
I've been dissed. Hard.
If there is anyone in hell who is watching the events on earth, I wonder if they ever laugh because heaven doesn't know what it's missing by staying so far out of the affairs of man.
When a man faces war, he goes through 3 stages. First he thinks of loved ones who will not share this hardship, and who if he should fall, will carry on his memory. Second, he thinks of loved ones already dead who will greet him on the other side of the river. Lastly, he makes his peace with whatever God he worships or believes favors him. The man then comes back to reality and faces the war or battle before him.
Different men go through these stages at different times. Some at the battle sight and some upon news of the impending struggle.
I went through that today.
First I thought of my family, my mother mostly, and of my friends, unkind, cocaine, J and the Wall. I thought of my dog and wondered if she would even remember or recognize me if she were to see me now. I thought of Jillary and a couple people I met because of the blog. I said goodbye to each one's soul and told them how special they are to me.
Then I thought of Joe, Mike and my grandmother. I saw them smiling at me as I walked toward them. Joe could walk and see. Mike seemed content. My grandmother looked so young and healthy. I said hello to each and noticed how I felt ashamed to be in the same place as them.
I then thought of God. I could not make peace with him. I saw the path he laid out for me and accepted it. I saw the man he made in me and came to terms with him. I saw the prayers he denied me and understood why. But I saw how limited his power was when I realized that of everything I have seen, the most beautiful my eyes beheld was her and I thanked her parents for making her as I scoffed at what God never accomplished.