22 August 2008

Best Guess Against Reality

Right. I would like to find a shore hosting a beach so calming the only people who can tolerate the silence are the dead and me where we would play in the water and see the true colors of one another's eyes as our pupils are so small from the brightness of the sun. I would like this. Instead I will fight weekend wars for the rest of my young adult life, making makeshift bombs in snifters and decanters.
I would like to crush leaves and plants making paint to cover the walls of the house I built myself while talking with the spirits I met on the beach. Instead I will make plans of attack and develop courses of action on how to capture my enemies in the weekend wars.
I would like to only leave the beach with the dead and walk through the wilderness where we harvest our meals or stalk and kill our celebratory feasts. Instead I won't have to love or think too much as the living will call me Evil but will grow fat off the spoils of my victories in the weekend wars.
I would like to show the dead what I know of life and the world while they placate my desires for interaction and smile warmly as I talk of perspective as I build a night fire to warm my flesh. Instead I will be too lazy to bathe, paint, write or change because I am the weekend warrior.
I would like to learn from the dead how to change the world while we amplify the light of love which would bore the world of its dependence on computers. Instead I mass along the western front fighting and killing my way to the only beach that exists. The beach where the woman with the heart of gold stands naked with electricity in her palms offering to teach me how to swim. Her shock will reduce my aspirations to ambition and I won't try to fight in the weekend wars.
It doesn't matter anymore.


01 August 2008

74 75

Right. I am here. I am alive. Life is fine. Confusing. I am in Greece on R&R. Women are beautiful. Small, declarative statements.
As it stands, I am no different. As it stands, I am the same. As it stands, booze still loves. As it stands, friends still laugh. As it stands, money still spends. As it stands, I still think of her.
As it stood, she was important. As it stood, war was normal. As it stood, hate and war. As it stood, walls were needed. As it stood, friends were absent. As it stood, I made a decision changing lives.
The future is unwritten. The best we can do is to walk in like we own it, as the future isn't set in cement. The future is without her. Or her. The future is as murky as the Mississippi. It is as veiled as an arranged bride. The future cannot be told by anyone, and those who claim they can see it are lying. The future holds Iraq for a couple months, then Germany, then home. The future is the same as I envisioned. Alone.
The present is torn. The past is done. The future is uncertain. If this is what every empire is destined to become, then count me out. If America is done, then let's get a front row seat. If this is my time to shine, then I am sorry for failing. If my time is yet to come, then I hope history doesn't repeat itself.
On the positive side, I miss both. In different ways. I plan on running. I plan on hiding. I plan on working. I plan on making you laugh. I plan on making you smile. I plan on you watching me melt in the fire I started to purify the collective conscience.