31 July 2007


Right. Jimmy Carter is annoying as fuck. I mean, shut up already. Go away. It's time. Exit stage left. Time now. You freak.
I am rather miserable. Come on Congress. Flex that muscle and get us out of here. No business. No need. But maybe Cheney needs more money.
I write things about her. I enjoy writing things about her. I say things that women come here and enjoy reading about her. I write about her, because it is easy. I can string words together and speak of things you find beautiful. And I can say them about her. I can write a river of thoughts expressing love, beauty, lust, infatuation and attraction. I can sit here and write these things forever. And it is easy. It is easy because she isn't you. Every time I think of you, I am overwhelmed with emotion that I can write nothing. Speechless. Me. Every time. That is why she is written and you are inside. Forever.


10 July 2007

Ships That Pass In The Night

Right. If you have ever, will ever or are currently driving in front of me, I hate you. Seriously. Like I want you to die. Because no matter how fast you are going, you are in my fucking way. Die cunt rag die. Get the bloody hell out of my motherfucking way. I don't care if motherfucking is one word or two. Fuck it. Sod off you bleeding time rapist. Drive faster. Life moves fast and I move faster, so buckle up and change lanes asshat. Driving in front of me lands you at 16 on my list. Bint.
Guess what today is? A magical day. A day of wonderment. A day of the coming, the shinning and the anguish. Anguish inflicted on the self as well as others. But the shinning shone to those rather than the self. Today is that day.
Today you met a girl at the gas station and you will never see her again. Today you drank beers with a woman at a bar and you will never kiss her clavicle in an alley. Today you crossed 3 lanes of a highway to exit early to follow a woman who will outrun you on the side streets.
Yesterday you were aware but not appreciative. Tomorrow you won't forget but won't know what needs to be forgiven. Today you swim in the spirit of the most beautiful day ever. The day the lottery was born. The day you popped your first zit, shot your first load, drank your first beer and placed your first bet.
Today cannot be defined, because today is eternal. Today breaks the time and space continuum as those in the know agree that today should be eternal. Today history began. The only history that is important.
Today the sun beat through my windshield and faded the leather in my car. Today I watched myself in every reflection of every mirror, picture and window as I passed. Today I made a conscious decision to learn to swim as I drown. Because drowning today is better than breathing tomorrow.


05 July 2007


Right. I fucking hate Richard Perle. Probably more than I should. I mean, to be fair, he is just sort of dumb, not malicious. En sha la. And by dumb I mean I think it is clear that Richard Perle is a total douche of ape like proportions and suitable only to bounce from one job to another portraying confidence and leadership only to be fired when he has to answer for recommendations he made. Putz.
It's July 5th. It won't be long now. Fuck.
If I ever start a band, I'm going to call it, "Dead Pervert Kangaroos." We will play the most awesome music known to man, with backwards messages for the masses. I will need a triangle player. And a guy to dance around while he beats on an empty Yoo-Hoo bottle with a drum stick. I have the drum stick. You just need to bring the funky dance moves and Yoo-Hoo bottle and if it's full, all the better because I'll drink the hell out of it. I also need one person to work the lighting.
Despite how much I run and work out and don't eat, I continue to get fatter. I am a marvel to modern science.
You're friggin Gone With the Wind.
When I think of you I think of:
Waking up and it raining outside and I don't have to go to work.
Eating oatmeal with extra sugar.
Running through the woods on dry trails.
Opening a new can of Copenhagen.
Reading a book for 7 hours a day.
Putting on brand new socks when you get out of the shower.
Listening to Boards of Canada while half drunk.
Eating clam chowder outside in the cold.
Watching dolphins jump in the wake of your boat.
Turning on the TV and a movie being played that you always liked but never bought.
Drinking cold beers in freezing weather outside with thousands of other people.
Watching UFO documentaries on TV followed by a My So Called Life Marathon, that was like the best day of TV ever for me.
That's all.
So therefore, you are no consolation.
You are comprised of the greatest things on earth.


02 July 2007

How About You And Me We Go Get Wasted

Right. Next on my list is the person who is the owner/operator of that ass. I hate you. I don't know why, but I think it's because I mean damn.
My small pox shit fucking hurts. I think my arm might fall off.
So, the greatest thing ever happened this weekend. If you aren't in the know, well you've come to the right place. JUST CLICK HERE. This is like the biggest story in the history of the world. I mean ever. Aside from the second coming, whenever he gets around to it, I mean. This only proves that we are not alone and that it may yet be possible for me to hijack a spaceship, snatch up some friends and tour the galaxy. We will boldly go where we haven't and bone exotic species of intelligent beings. It will be glorious. If you read this, you are invited. And if you read this and have the ass pictured above, then I mean damn. Call me.
I was all hopped up on medication this weekend on account of the pain in my mouth and jaw. To pass the time, I watched videos on you tube. I decided to only watch videos that were long and I could watch/listen like it was TV while I played POGO. I watched like 14 hours worth of videos explaining the Mormon faith, and I must say that upon learning what these people believe, I might have to fight Paul my Mormon friend whom is actually my only Army friend. Let's just say Mormons are fucking strange. And if you are a female and Mormon, then I have no respect for you at all where your entire ambition is to remain eternally pregnant and populate a world. Mormons are fucked three ways towards the weekend.
At this point in my post I would like to take a minute and have everyone move their eyes to the above shown ass. I mean damn. Reflect on that.
I had this zit on the side of my nose over by my left eye. I went to pop it, and I'll be damned if the thing didn't turn into a GIANT scab covering half of my face. It is gross. I told my boss I fell and hit my face. My excuses for my injuries are getting ridiculous. My boss must either think that I am a battered wife or really am in the Fight Club. My boss is stupid.
I like to drench my french fries in malt vinegar. That's how I roll.
I sat awake smoking cigarettes in bed. I sat awake watching her sleep. I inhaled a long pull from a Marlboro as she moved her left hand across her pillow closer to her face. Her face. Her face resting on her pillow like an angel in the clouds. Her face that made me close my eyes because it was too much to take in. I prayed the sun would come up. The sun would bring her inhibitions up with it. The sun would dry the mortar in the bricks we laid the night prior in our hangover. The sun would shed light on the mistake she made and the luck that befell me. But for now the moon was still lighting the streaks in her hair that matched her bedding. The flaming red streaks which lived vibrantly in my soul. Flaming red bedding that abrasively clashed with the rest of the room. She slept and I smoked. Thoughts raced through my head. I thought of cutting off her eyelids so I could look at her blue eyes forever. But that was when I realized that the eyelids took them away from me making the times when her eyes were open special. I also realized that when she slept and the sight of her eyes was taken from me, I felt less alive. I closed my eyes and put out my cigarette and tried to envision her eyes. I couldn't. I couldn't even imagine eyes so beautiful. I got dressed and left. I saw her later that week on the subway on the way to school. She said she felt used. I was trying not to look at her. It was raining. She was wearing grey. I looked up into her eyes and it was as if the subway took flight and lifted through the clouds above the rain. I exited the train 4 stops early and walked to school.