30 April 2006


Right. Me and Chad McGreevy shout, "Nuff Said." We do this when we feel. That's just how we roll.
I'm not saying I had a date with an 18 year old Friday. I'm not saying she is still in High School. I'm not saying we hit skins. I'm just saying I'm not going to her prom and it caused a disturbance on Saturday morning when she found out I wouldn't.
When a man loves the MILF and can only find a date with a woman 10 years his junior, that's called ironic. When a man loves pants and his uncle buys him pants, only the man is already wearing pants, that's called a coincidence. When a man buys a car and keeps it clean but rents an apartment and keeps it filthy, that's called respect for ownership. I'm only making sense.
I'd like to meet a girl who takes it as a personal offense that women won't date me. I'd appreciate it if she took the anger of this offense out on me sexually. I'd like a lot of things. I'd like an Aquafina, but I'm drinking tap water. I'd like to know why I have moles in the shape of a pentagram on my left arm. I'd like to have a normal life where I can hang out with my friends a lot. I'd like it if I had all my Itunes back. I'd like it if she would talk to me instead of the television. I'd like to have Microsoft Office back on my computer. That'd be nice. I like word. I'd like more.
I went to Seattle today. Seattle sucks because everything is closed on Sunday. Stupid day of rest. I only feel safe and at home in downtown areas. I realized that today. I think I might have a problem. Seattle sucks though. Nothing going on. But there were people protesting Darfur. I find it funny. For reasons too many to get into.
AVE Maria, gratia plena, Dominus tecum. Benedicta tu in mulieribus, et benedictus fructus ventris tui, Iesus. Sancta Maria, Mater Dei, ora pro nobis peccatoribus, nunc, et in hora mortis nostrae. Amen.

29 April 2006


My computer sucks. Itunes are all lost. Microsoft office is gone. I hate life.
New cellphone. Same chip. No phone numbers. I hate life.

26 April 2006

Attempts To Fail

Right. If I ever fulfill my destiny, it will be because of you. If I ever care enough about myself to take care of myself, it will be because of you. If I ever ride through a field on a warhorse toward a battle I have no chance of winning but every intention of fighting, I will because of you. If I ever take pleasure in quiet evenings with family, it will be because of you.
I was created and I developed, grew, watched, learned and paid attention. I was an individual, a strong man of principle, valor and recklessness. You shaped me and gave me purpose. You saw wisdom in the games I play, but provided rules by which to play. You saw the inspiration of the means, not the means. Likewise, you saw the end, and not the constructed end. You saw what I was really doing, and you provided me with tools to keep score.
A day will come when my games will no longer be played. This day is a day we both see coming. This is a day of accomplishment and sacrifice. I will submit to a test and the results have consequences. I will either pass or fail; it seems simple enough. If I fail, I will take sole responsibility for the ruins of civilizations. If I pass, I and all that I love, cherish and hold dear will burn. You have taken this test. You failed. You saw the ramifications of your failures. You have chosen me as heir to your once proud throne. We both await the test.
You once played the same game. You once pushed yourself in ways that didn't make sense. You once fought with love in your heart and loved with hate in your heart. At one time, you too created only to destroy. There was a time when you walked next to the divine, only to be forced to take the test. It seemed too much for you, and this is what we have now.
I look at you with envy. For better of worse you have made your decision. I know you dwell on your decision, but the past is like everything else...done. You have your regrets and so will I. You delight in your knowledge and celebrate that no one else will know what you do. I will no longer wait for my turn on the timeline and will force the issue.
I have learned much from you. I have seen what it is to live a life of regret. I have seen the weather on your soul and felt the tremble in your hands. When I am done, I hope to lift some of the burden from you. No one will miss me after my test. No one will know I was forced to choose. No one will remember this. This is now my burden, choice and sacrifice. I have embraced this revelation. I will hold its secrets safe and the erudition will die with me.
You have inspired this.
Sicut erat in principio, et nunc, et semper, et in saecula saeculorum.

17 April 2006

It Was The Blurst Of Times??!!

Right. Good question. Seeing how I just got back and now we leave for the field for ten days maybe I ought to answer. We leave Wednesday and we'll come back the 29th, so I need to get my shit together. But I will try to answer.
It's like this. I don't know. I guess one could make the assessment that the entire Yossarian/Army experiment is a test to push the limits of capabilities. When the challenge that was once feared was easier than thought, new challenges were needed in order to find limitations. When Yossarian doesn't know his limitations he tends to do stupid things that exceed his parameters of possibilities. Thus, I need to know what I can and cannot do in order to prevent me from doing stupid shit.
That's the easy way to look at it.
The other way to look at it is training. If you're anything like me, then you are constantly on the run from Spanish Conquistadors who are after the gold you've hidden inside your body. Or you believe that if the Apocalypse comes tomorrow, you ought to be prepared to live and get others through the bullshit.
Some funny things that happened in SERE: I sang Check Up On It for like 2 days straight. I broke down in tears begged it all to stop and gave up information. When the information I gave up wasn't the "actual" information the mental and physical beating continued as I laughed because I told them Bruce Wayne was Batman. This guy Mario escaped and was found and brought back. He continued to try to escape and I said, "Mario's a fucking psycho," a lot ala A Bronx Tale. I ate a snake and various bugs. The quote, "A night in the box," lost all meaning. I'm really glad it's over.
So on to more shit. I will be needing a job when I leave this here shit. So hook a brother up.
A certain calmness comes with having completed SERE. Now I will offer advice, advice that ought not be questioned. You must simply take the advice and run with it.
Unkind K-Luv – Bone the 16 year old.
Cocaine – Upon your refusal to get your own blog, use my comments section as your blog again.
That's all the advice I can muster. Aside from find me a job. I have been thinking about trying to work for the Red Sox or the Cardinals. I've harbored secret desires to work for the Pirates, but I know Unkind's refusal to move to the steel city.

16 April 2006

Falling Back On That Ass

Right. Have you ever heard the saying, "Everything is easy once you've completed it."? The guy who said that shit never went to SERE. I don't want to talk about it. If one wanted to drive oneself insane, then SERE would be the last gas station on the road.
If I can offer you advice, if you ever go to SERE, ensure the last song you hear before going into the box is not, "Check Up On It," by one Beyonce. Your fellow inmates will hate you.
Did I miss anything? How are you? I'm good. I am worn a little thin, but all in all I am okay. I just need a couple weeks to heal. I don't need this because I am better. I am just in this dump for the game. But these right here, these are the finest shoes that were ever sold.
At this point in my life I only want one thing. I want to spend the night losing sleep, and spend the day with her sleeping on top of me. Ten years ago today I wanted only one thing, to place my brain on a higher frequency and pour myself back into the bottle and have her drink me. Ten years from today I will want only one thing – the sound of her smiling.
I was wondering what side you will be on when I am forced to make my move. When the Kings of the East change the tides and I chose to stand, will you stand with me? When evil is presented as acceptable and good is presented as antiquated, will you discern the ruse and stand with me? If I stand alone will you watch? Will you carry on my memory? Will you compare me to the warriors of antiquity or will you help usher in the pulsing sheets of music. When the house God worships in is threatened, will you watch and question the power? The course of the wayward ship is not lost as long as the North Star beacons to follow. The stars will realign when I stand, and your apologia must change as well.
The heart is the only loyal aspect to man. When I am lowered, will she keep me forever in her heart? Will I enshrine her for eternity as she was at 19? Will my heart be placed in her chest upon my death? Will my heart still thirst for her if I live? Will she ever know that she is my sanctuary? I go to her when I am in places I despise. I reach out, smell her and taste her temple. Part of me will forever belong to her; part of me is fighting the rest of me to get back to her. The rest of me knows its fight is futile, as when I die the only part of me that will carry on is what belongs to her.